Rainbow Love

it seems that i have been only blogging when i need to seek shelter. not really seeking shelter. because i seek shelter from God. anyway whatever im saying is really contradictory.

hidden in despair.
and i hear the voice in my head "peace, be still"
Father, grant me with inner peace once more please.

i refused to talk about it to anyone who saw me tear. but deep down i know its really hard to manage. im always encouraging everyone around me. but when i break down, i find it hard to encourage myself. although i still have plenty of comforting words in my head. but its still hard to let these words comfort me. only God's healing hands can.

i think God is trying to send a message across to me since last week. to seek Him and not humans on the earth. because people will fail me but God will not.
its a hard and tough time. my desire for concern and care has grown unexpectedly stronger and stronger. the pain in me has increased over time. and the strength in me is slowly being drained by every single upset moment everyday.

how can i manage to carry on like this? Only God can bless me with strength and power. to hold on strong. and also to reach out to the many broken souls out there.

so many people around me cares so much. i see it. i feel it. they often tell me not to hide. not to be silent. but what can i do ? what should i say? im loss for words.
maybe its not a bad thing to be silent. i really do not know
if one day he prounce upon this blog so suddenly, i think i'll be loss for words. because i know he'll never read my blog.

my flesh spirit and the holy spirit in me is continuing to battle on and on. my flesh spirit makes me want to shout out loud. to scold. to have anger. to be frustrated and just cry. but my holy spirit tells me that God is with me. "peace, be still."
human will fail me but God will not. this must be often reinforced in my life.

there's pain in me. God take it away. because i'll definitely let go. i know i must seek you and not any other. and therefore. i shall start seeking only You. and no one else.
and therefore take this burning pain in me. and take away this battle that is raging in me.
in Jesus's name, Amen.

that's my prayer for today.
and im sorry to those who saw my tears. really sorry.
thats not me. Never me.

tmr i'll be wearing yellow. i'll be sure to make everyone smile and laugh once more (:
thankyou for all the amazing concern.
loves