school reopen. goodbyes to the holidays.

i've been thinking to myself. look at those people who have major project stress. look at my group and our project. are we just going to get a normal D or C grade ? i really have no idea ): so depressing but nevertheless i really want to do my best. to shine for God! (:

stayed up last night. ok didn't really stay up, till 2am only. but at least i spent 3 hours working on smth ok! haha. and since i start school at 4pm today, so i decided to go sleep.
and im kind of proud of the work i've done.

so highquest is over. and now, im starting on my daily bread highquest format. its really good. like today i did psalm 55. about king david's friend betrayal. and how he turned to seek God for comfort. and did not run away from the problem infront of him. Us - normal human being, would always run away from our problems and not dare to face it. But in Psalm 55, King David told God that he trusts in God. And that even when his enemy insults him, he could endure it. Even if his enemy rise up against him, he could hide from his enemy. and this are all because he knows God will help him. because his trust is in the one and only God.
what a good passage given to me today early in the morning! because it really taught me that i should not keep God at the last option in terms of trouble. i should just go directly to him. Even if its frustrations to be vented, anger, blaming, God can take all of it. because none of this will harm him! this is just so amazing God really is. He cares for me, for you, for everyone!


I've decided to dedicate my blog to God. every good thing given, i'll give thanks and praise Him for it, and i want to write everything here to show people about how great God really is (:
praise him forever and ever.


(:
im working three days in a row. wheees. hope wed will be my last day of work. haha. i need to get down to studying already (:
loveloves.

p.s i love jeffrey aw (:

spent the night with my love (: its been amazing how i can just feel so comfortable with you polar. i can spent the whole entire night yanking away bout almost everything (: i am so in love with you. but most of all, God taught me how to love first. so thank God.

i learnt that i should thank God for everything that i've in my life. that i am blessed!

today, i found my motivation back. on the way home, as polar was riding along the highway, i was giving thanks to God. for everything he has provided me with. provided me a place in TP to study. and then i thought bout what polar has told me. i thought about how i should really do my best irregardless of what. in choir, or in studies. i should always do my best for God. and i asked God, "is it too late now to start studying madly again? is it too late to want to do my best for this semester." i know deep in my heart that everything can be made possible with God. so my prayer now is that i'll do my very best, and God will show me favor that i'll shine with my results. and so, i know i'll shine. first in my results, then in choir. strive hard and do my best. (:
i really give thanks for the conversation with my love. (: God is awesome!

God is really awesome in my life. life's been amazing. i want to see another miracle in my studies. in my studies now, in NIE (if its God's will for me), in choir. i need to see a breakthrough (: just like how i saw a breakthrough in my prayer life .

thank God. really thank God.

our God is the everlasting God! (:

loveloves

p.s im running out of HQ to do . ran out of devotionals. SAVE ME. will any kind soul please give me a new devotional. i'll love you (: hahaa *hint hint*

i haven't blogged since camp.
maybe its because i've been penning thoughts down in a more private place. like my note book (:
i suddenly have the habit of penning down thoughts when and as i feel like it. and i don't have to go on my lap top and connect to the internet before i can pen down stuff you know.

i just read esther's blog. because she told me to! haha. its really heartwarming to read all the thankyou and know that i am appreciated. i think its really true. you have to express your gratitude and appreciation of a person. and not keep it in you, so that the person will feel appreciated. haha. really.

friendship blossomed. between Esther & i. i thank God for allowing this friendship to blossom. for teaching me how to treasure. i remember once, back then. people said i always take friends for granted. back then, i often wondered and asked God, is that true? but now, i know im never the same before. God really changed me.

almost one week has passed after camp is over. i began to see that i've changed. in my notebook, i wrote this particular phrase, "God changed me, camp changed me" Normally, you would feel that camp is supposed to change lives of the campers. but never would you ever expect that the camp had changed the live of me, a camp comm member who labours for God, and serve the campers wholeheartedly.

i really have changed. thank God. prayers has just became part of me recently. it has been just so heartwarming to know that, my prayers; the smallest ones are actually answered. it all comes with believing and having faith. you just got to believe that God is powerful, God is almighty, you just have to believe that things will turn out well. its all about the word BELIEVE!

i was just telling Esther the other day at work that, when God disciplines his children by giving them hardships, the process is indeed so painful, but the aftertaste of it is just so sweet. so so sweet. that you just draw closer to God, and you want him more and more each day. Only when it came to the last session of HQ, then i really learnt to appreciate doing HQ, appreciate reading the word. and each day, im filled with joy. yes! the joy of the Lord is our strength! AMEN to that.


what an interesting holiday. what a fruitful holiday. a holiday when i managed to draw closer to my heavenly king. thank God for everything that has happened. thank God for changing me.
praises to God forever and ever.

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.


im finally back from camp. a really long 5 days 4 nights. seriously, i think as i get older, i prefer to stay at home. i am no more that kid who loves to go camp. haha.
i think i learnt a lot from camp. i learnt my part in camp as an admin. i learnt how to really communicate. i learnt that prayers are really important and many others. i also came to learnt about myself. the flaws and the strengths.

day 0 - leader's day
leader's day were very slack. only the moving of the logistics was a bit tiring. well, i didn't move much lah. but was practically running around. haha. but then later on in the day was really slack. hmm. but then, there were a few hiccups with food. with me and food i/c. ):
and jeff fell sick. i wasn't worried at first, thinking it was a slight flu. but i was so so wrong ):

day 1
i went back to church with feli & robyn to get the campers. there were a few hiccups too. missed out a lot of names in the registration list. i felt that i didn't do a great job. infact, i was beginning to feel like a loser. but then i decided to push the negative thoughts aside, and do what i can. so, i reached back the campsite. it seemed like the campers felt really welcomed by the leaders. and it was great! i travelled alot today. because i had to get stuff for the food and the packed lunch & dinner from jeff's mom. well, but because of this, there were further unhappiness ): but im glad that the campers enjoyed their first day. the game pirates of PLMGS was fun. i get to bomb the groups though i was an NPC. but it was really fun.

at this point of time, jeffrey was already having a fever. i prayed for him. seeing him in that state makes my heart ache a lot. i had no idea what to do. but still i kept praying.
soon after i left to collect dinner, jeff left the campsite to go home. i came back to the campsite with ling yang (herbal tea) but he already left. that was sad. but nvm, i prayed that he'll get a good rest.

the game prison break was really funny. although my heart was really worried for jeffrey, i know i had to be strong in camp. for the campers, i still had to be happy. it was a struggle. but i tried my best. and i know i really did my best in being happy. walking around, taking photos, spending time in the torture chamber lifted my spirits a little higher.
by the time, we had to go back to our bunks to rest, it was already 1am+. As i started praying to God for an assurance. i came upon this verse.
Isaiah 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
In my heart after reading this verse, i told God, i know he'll carry me through, he'll carry jeffrey through. i cried and went to bed.

day 2
i woke up in the morning shocked. i received a sms that jeff went to a&e last night, and may be suspected of Dengue. I showed Esther the msg. and she prayed. i know i cried a lot in the morning. i just kept crying non-stop. every part of me was tired. the more i prayed, the worsen jeff's condition got. i had no idea why. my faith was even smaller than a mustard seed at that point of time. after crying i had to go down and join the campers. i tried to be strong. but i guess it was really written on my face, that im plain worried though i really tried my best to smile.
tears were constantly in my eyes. but there was nothing i can do. i just wanted to rush to his side and keep him accompany. but then i cldn't leave my duties in camp.

during worship and workshop, i could not worship at all. because i felt angry. i asked God why, why he allowed such things to happen? i ask God why no matter how much i pray, nothing turns for the better. i kept tearing. when the campers prayed for jeffrey in their own groups of 2 & 3s, i was touched by their sincerity. and later on, when ______ (i forgot who) started to lead in prayer for jeffrey, i just kept crying because i couldn't control anymore. and darren asked me whether i want to go visit jeffrey. he can send me there.
After thinking for a few minutes. i still decided to go. so i went. darren drove me there.
Seeing him, makes me a little comforted though he was still feeling very sick. ): i continued to pray and pray. and i left around 2pm after he slept. and headed to fort canning for the rest of the games.

played hop-scotch with ina, while waiting for the groups to find us. we were station masters (:
well, it was a really good game with ina, because after perspiring, my spirits were high.
but it slowly died out when there were more conflicts. i cried. and cried non-stop. felicia came to talk to me. slowly, i let things out. from what happened since day 0 till now. how much i've tried to be strong. how i felt God has abandoned me. how much i really didn't dare to pray anymore. after talking to her, i sat at the grand stand alone under the sky of stars, in the dark, alone with God and no one else.

I asked God, why? why have you not done anything? i kept crying so much. why is my faith so little i asked God? as i began to ask him, i began to recount 2 events that touched my heart. i remembered on the taxi to fort canning after visiting jeff, i prayed. i ask God why is there no miracle ? no matter how much i prayed? i closed my eyes and rested for awhile, a song on the radio started to play. the song prince of peace. the chorus goes, "there are miracles when you believe" i started to ask myself, when i believe? the next moment when i was back in school, and when i was going to step into the AVA room, i heard a camper tellling her group, "We believe in miracles."

As i sat and the grandstand thinking about believing with all my heart. i heard a voice asking me, "do you really believe? do you believe in me?" i started to cry again in desperation. i told God, i believe. i believe your works. I do believe!

and guess what? the next moment, i asked juliana to call home and ask about jeff, his mom said his fever has already subsided. immediately i thank God. i thank God for his miracles. i thank God for the lesson he made me go through. I thank God for his healing powers. and i was overjoyed.

day 3
Jeffrey came back to camp! he sent me the happiest smses in the morning. i was practically grinning wherever i went. i was just so happy. i think i learnt a lot the past few days. and God has definitely changed me in my prayers, in my faith.
had a few fun games. but then there were an increase in injuries and ill people. then tension started to rise among the committee and helpers. i started to realise that we had not prayed enough for the campers! and so i retreated and went to pray.
and true enough, there were no more injuries anymore. but it was really quite late to pray also being this was the last night.
this was the first time i ever prayed sincerely with love for every single camper,leaders and committee members. i really felt God's peace in my heart.

day 4.
im happy today. because i finally get to go home. i really wanted to go home. dying to go home. hahaa. then we headed back to church. and had a debrief. a long debrief but a good one.

end of camp (:

i have to apologise to Esther. i had not know of the budget and did not check properly. so im really sorry to said that you have overspent. and there were a lot of conflicts between both of us. i admit i was really upset. because i really do treat you as a good friend. and when things happen, i felt upset. i wondered about what i should do, how i should react. but many times in camp, you were also my encouragement. sharing with me many things. and i really thankyou.

yepp. and also thanks to felicia who also spoke to me. who encouraged me at the grandstand. thank you for the words that woke me up.

overall, i left camp with a good experience with God. thankyou camp committees for putting in so much effort (:
i love all of you.

loves.

pictures blast (: ikea (: aaron as the photographer. haha.
GELARE (: while waiting to start work, ina came to visit. and we started snapping.

my new hair color (: ina did it for me. loves
YC overnight event; the hunt. jeffrey and i as station master (: loves


actually i've a lot of overdue pictures. but i am very lazy to upload all. haha.
camp is just in 2 days now. haha. and im really excited already. loves.

i don't really know what to blog about. but just to update you all. God is great (: and im doing great. although it wasn't really smooth for a few days. but things just got better and better.

loves.

im unreasonably upset.

i've experience the down for 4 days in a row. and it has already demoralized me from deep within.

i wonder how long more can i withstand. God, just how long more? you answered my prayer. twice. you shown me the sign 2 times. and Lord, how can i say no? i said yes. i'll follow. but i've been hurt again and again. what is your plan for me Lord? to strengthened me somemore? sigh.


im going to be home all day. and spend some time with myself, with God. going jogging later in the evening. hopefully God will help me think properly. (:
ok.

i want to go study ecsa (:
loves.