turning point

recently, during this down period, it has become a journey of faith.
i went through the anxiety of not getting a job. i went through the anxiety of not knowing where to head on next. be it social work or teaching.
i prayed, i cried, i begged anxiously to God. I asked, I shouted for help. I told God i could not take it anymore.

for a few weeks, this lasted. each time i went to church, i asked for the same thing. each time i prayed during my quiet time, i asked for the same thing.
do i have faith as much as a mustard seed?
I really have to ask myself that.
Sunday i went up to the altar to surrender all my worries and struggles to the Lord.
when i thought i had no gifts or talents, when i had no directions. I prayed and asked God for my next step, lead the way for me. I cried out to Him once more with all my worries and pain.
and the next thing i knew, there was going to be a change. i know definitely for sure, there'll be a way out soon. something just snapped, and something was going to change.

today i went for an interview as an Accounts Manager. I'm not sure whether i'll get the job,but i know i did well for the interview. I wanted to excel in it. and i knew i did it. all for the glory of God.


anyway, i read a friend's blog. although i do not know who she is refering to. but deep in my heart, i know there are unresolved issues between her and i.
for the many times, i held so much bitterness against her. my heart desired many times to be close to her, to be able to embrace this friendship with lots of love. but many times, i have been rejected indirectly. each time i was around her, i felt like i was hated. i felt a strong sense of displeasure. each time i wanted to clarify things with her, i put it behind my mind. i said, no.

I didn't want things to be one-sided. I didn't want it to be just an one-sided friendship. As days, then months go pass, i felt myself dreading this friendship. I was so afraid to be hurt once more. I was so afraid of the remarks she often remarked, i was so afraid of her being displeased with me. and so i distant myself. I hide away from her.

recently, she came to talk to me. she told me stuff that we once shared about. Deep in my heart, there was a small tinge of happiness. but i was afraid it wouldn't last. cause previously, she would talk to me only when she likes it, on the other times, i would be pushed away like dirt.
I cried and despair over this friendship many times.
and when structural changes took place last year, i was a little glad. because i didn't want to be the cause of her displeasure. everything about her just meant so much to me. only, she didn't know.

I didn't want to cry over this loss anymore. i drifted. and it's not only her that makes me feel so lost. but i don't want to go into that now.
After i read her blog, i prayed. I told God honestly how much pain there is, i asked God, can i forgive her now? after many many months, can i let go of the bitterness in my heart?
I do want to see a change in this friendship, but i have no idea how anymore.
I still love her.


and now, after pouring these out. my heart feels better.

out of boredom

presenting to you.. puggy in her favorite bumblebee outfit (:
ok not hers. my favorite. haha.
i didn't torture her. it was only for a short while :x haha.
she's so cute. SEE, she enjoys it.

guess what she's looking at? no prize if you guess correctly. haha.

Out of boredom and excitement for my interview at 3.30pm, i took these pictures. my first time taking number pictures (: HAHA.

I'm ready for my interview ! When God is with me, no one can be against me ! off i go! (:

Goodbye Jeremy, come back soon (:

Today LFC met up at Changi Airport to send our beloved brother, Jeremy off. He's going Brisbane for further studies in Psychology (:
He'll be back end of this year. I guess all of us will really miss him dearly. He has been such a good friend and company providing us with all the laughs and everything.
oh well, Jeremy, do take care when you're there. Sorry I can't be your personal Assistant.
too far away from jeffrey. haha. joke!


anyway, i have been searching hi and low for a part time/temporary job. Hopefully in admin or teaching. I have also successfully send in my application for NIE. I am currently waiting for end march to arrive, so that at least i could have some news.

It's quite hard to look for part time/temporary job. Even tougher than when i was in poly studying. yikes, the economy is getting to me. so i decided to push back my plans to study social work.

so currently, if this is God's will, i hope to get into NIE then after teaching for a few years, further my studies in Social Work/Counselling (:

right now, i can only pray that NIE is part of God's plan for me.
and continue trusting that he'll provide me a job (:


after sending jeremy off, we went to HK cafe at East Coast Park. It was enjoyable chatting with my cell members again (: haha. but most of the time, Christine and I was often teased by people. Ok, more of me being teased by people. haha. the most awkward thing happen, but i shan't say at all. Bleah. but definitely LFC are a great bunch of people more than anything else.
we are definitely the cell that do not have cliques at all. because we are just one big clique. haha.

i have been diarrhoea-ing since i returned from Batam on Sunday. It's actually quite seriously, hopefully i'll pull myself to the docs. HAHA -.-
HOPEFULLY :/

faith tested.

After i came back from Taiwan on the 21st of January, I have been searching for a job opening at the children homes, student care centre. but there were no openings.
I finally managed to contact Salvation Army, but there was no reply.
I tried the different tuition agency, there were no news.

now, now, i really feel like the economic crisis is affecting me.
and i'm jobless now.
i'll be looking for Part Time job preferably something to do with teaching or children. :/
but it's really not easy.

sigh. SIM or NIE now. if you were me and you're limited for choices due to financial constraint.
would you rather go into NIE where you are bonded with the gov and have your school fees, salary all covered? Or would you choose to keep hanging around, crossing your fingers hoping you would find a job then apply for SIM Social work.

or, i can choose to go NIE, and complete the bond, then take a masters in Social Work.

right now, i can only leave it to God
I surrender my planning into His hands.

it has been like a rollercoaster looking for a job. everything seem to go downhill for me at the moment.
i would really love to be encouraged at this moment. but it's hard.

just when i thought i should try to apply for NIE incase. i could not. because i lost my polytechnic result slip. and it takes 5 working days to process. (but thanks jame, for helping me go to one stop service centre (: )
and i just pray hard i will not miss the closing date ):
then i thought, i should apply for relief teaching. but. i could not get in the website no matter how i try.
i rang moe up. they said the website is running.
can this really be God's will?

Sigh. what does God really want me to do?


anyway, on the happier note..
i'll be going to batam this weekend with jeffrey and his family (:
his cousin is having her second wedding dinner at batam this time round.
and it's gonna be a 100 tables!


i'm blogging quite early because, in the midst of my sleep, i turned to my left side, and saw a cockroach running. and i was woke up because i'm scared!
haha. it went under my bed. then i dare not sleep anymore.

but i sprayed lots of baygon. -.-
hahaha.

sigh. if you have job opportunities for me.. please contact me ok! (: