Gracious Father, i pray that tonight even without sleep i'll be able to complete my work with alertness and to do my best for everything. Father, i pray my communication skills presentation slides and speech draft will be done nicely. and tmr's rehearsal for presentation will be good. I pray that i'll be able to prepare for my UIR presentation though i really dislike that module. and i also would like to pray for my CSAD assignment. that i may do well for it. especially when i am really stuck now. Father, i pray that you bless me with wisdom and understanding as i face this three things that i must do tonight. thankyou Jesus. Amen.

nice to start my post with a prayer isn't it? (((:

i went swimming today! with ina. hahas. it was so so nice and fun. (((:

next wed is badminton. SEAN; if you wanna jog please sms me. i will come too. ina and i are kind determined to shed off the excess fats on us. get what we mean? we'll dedicate our weds to sports. hahas. maybe during hols, we can meet up often to do some sports.

i deposited money into my bank today. feeling richer recently. hahas.

i miss boyfriend very very much. i had a great day out with him yesterday. i mean after so long, we never really go out. so we went IMM to do my shopping yesterday. the ESPIRIT outlet is good. and cheap too. got my clothes there. kinda have the desire to wear the clothes out immediately. but NO.. its for newyear.

i love the shoes he bought for me. i wanted to pay for it myself. but he insisted. and since he never really bought me a present, i relented. haha. so; the shoes, happen to be my valentine's persent.

haha. and since he NEVER reads my blog, it is okay to post it here. FOR valentine 2007, my 5th month with Jeffrey will be very special. hahas.

this the first time i went to that extent to get the gifts done.

handmade A4 size note. some have seen how it looks like. and i received the nods. haha. its cool. then CROCS specially bought for his work. i know he has been dying for it. and i've been saving madly. and lastly, cookies and cupcakes! hahas.

its like i've never ever bothered to do so much for a guy. but a special guy like him, just makes me want to do more and more. anything for him. that's my love.

im dying to buy the diva necklace. its a heartshape pendant. that costs 16 bucks.

and yah. i'll go next week to get it! im so in love with that necklace. and when i miss that necklace back here. means i really want it. so i should get it! rightright?!

haha. okay. i'll have to start doing my work. COFFEE in the night! sigh. endless projects. it is impossible with man. but it is possible with God! AMEN.

i totally agree. its from Matthews smth. can't remember. ))):

okay! gotta go.

before that pictures!

tell me im vain. haha. i love taking pictues. ((:

jeffrey and his dog. i kind like that dog like. huggable. nice and comfy. haha.

me. stephanie. lynette. taken during lynette's birthday! (((: loveloves.

sigh. where's teddy. TELLME.

being ignored for very very long le. hahas.
i miss him so much.

i tell you i went bonkaz just now doing my csad only! ))):
SIGH. it is just so difficult )):

and im just complaining here!
bye.

spent the entire saturday with ina doing CSAD.

hahas. my title tells it all. spent the entire afternoon doing CSAD. gosh. im really exhausted. and i still can't get my data grid view to work properly. i spent five hours trying to figure out and i still don't get it. my brain cells are dead already.

and oh. how i miss boyfriend so much. didn't see him for two days already. okay. i know its only 2 days! hahas.
yesterday i left school around 8pm. and i completed my SWEN! hurrays.
im left with two hours before i have to go meet jeffrey soon.
so im gonna quickly finish up my final draft for creative writing that is due on tues.
because monday. im going to TM to see my idols ! lols . hana kimi cast..

im so excited bout it. haha. i believe most of us are. haha.
GIRLS ! -.-

hahahas. loveloves
BYE

recording test data for SWEN isn't easy at all. i have to admit.
its 6.41pm and i am still in school recording scripts after scripts. i have been in the lab since 3pm trying to record. the whole 11am-2pm i have been doing my programming assignment.

this is what i mean by from morning to night doing assignment all day.
but im glad. God has been really Faithful to me. providing me with a school com with the software when others are struggling to look for lab. you've no idea how grateful i really am. Praise the Lord. ((:

well. im basically very tired. when i get home, i'll hve to try to complete my creative writing. so that i may continue doing my programming assignment. sigh database connection and stuff.. my life. pathetic. but well. i'll learn to treasure it. i promise.

im very thankful to jeffrey. because he gave me a verse from the bible. that really serves as another reminder. and letting me know, that im not alone.

amazing how God love is. really.
i gotta get back to doing my work. bye.

it is because of all the piling projects that must be cleared by next week.

is that the answer to why im feeling depressed? letme see.
i shall list out what needs to be done.

monday 29.01.2007
swen test case and test data submission (recording of scripts not done yet.)

tuesday 30.01.2007
creative writing final draft. (needs to be edited again)

friday 2.02.2007
communication skills presentation powerpoint and draft to be modified.
CSAD programming assignment due. inclusive of reports and soft copy of codes.
GC briefing to be attended
UIR presentation

monday 5.02.2007
wbat application to be done and submitted.

tuesday 6.02.2007
creative writing to be submitted - storybook with cover to be design.

monday 12.02.2007
business finance final test.

thursday 15.02.2007
cmsk3 presentation (formal wear)

now, now. can you understand? i do projects after projects. hours after hours. can you imagine sitting in school from 9am - 7pm doing projects. and when you get home, you still continue doing projects till the wee hours of the night?

i know everyone faces the same thing. but im especially tired. my workload is far too heavy for me to handle. and i feel like going mad. and most of the time; i actually break down into tears. although you all may not see it. but i feel really tired and weary of everything that is going on.

enough of my jokes. my laughter for you all. because i am simply too tired to make everyone happy.

that's all
loves

like a baby; cry when you need to. laugh when you feel happy.

i don't know what got into me lately.

tired.
sigh.

forget it.

bye.

i have been too caught up with the struggles in life. and i had pay no attention to the surrounding people and my initial goal; to leave heartprints with everyone i see.

life has been fairly bearable.
i give thanks for the wonderful people around me. because they really care. and the prayers they've kept me in.
choir has been fruitful. the songs. the worship. fantastic i tell you.

i read ina's blog. about how she envy me because i can share so easily. it wasn't easy ina. it takes a lot to share. but over years, the more you keep the emotions in yourself, the more you need to share. Im willing to listen only if your willing to share.

yah. ((:
yea. and valentine's is coming around the corner! i remember those times in secondary school when we give each other roses and presents. well; a moment that i can never forget. but all good things come to an end. hmm. maybe.

i finish the special item i made for jeffrey. and its kinda cool. hahas. thanks to TP bookshop. i found some good materials. haha.

i had to show my tutor about A child's story. it wasn't positive. i felt really depressed. i meant 2 times already. i put in my effort. put in so much effort. and BAM. it just turn out this way. sigh. im not gonna give up though. but im really struggling. i prolly ain't cut out to write stories.
difficulties to overcome! sigh.

i miss my boyfriend. you know. you know?!
loveloves.

thanks yemin for burning the cd for me! hahas.
love it . (((:

today school was i-don't-know what to say. friday always seem to be very bad. sigh. because there's UIR and then CSAD. my two more irritating module in my dictionary. ))):

i feel really moody today. i've no idea why. maybe i shud just return home to get some sleep. truely need the sleep.
tmr there's a long day waiting for me. hmm.

im getting my test results for CSAD soon. i already know i fail. so i don't have much expectations already. life is getting even more and more boring for me. im beginning to start feeling that i've no life. but YIKES. ))):

i miss going out with ina; girls day out! i learnt smth from highquest.
that whenever you feel like escaping from the world, no matter where you run to, God's presence is always there with you. you cannot hide from Him. yes, you can hide from the world, but not God.
i feel so comforted by this. because there are so many times, i really feel like hidding away in my own shell. i feel like just crying and sleep and ignore everyone. but most of the times, because i know God is always there. so i wipe away my tear. and smile and pick up myself and face the world.

this is how real God is to me. He is really so faithful.
((((:
im glad to know that there are so many people who cares. really glad.

i was just telling lynette in the lab. how fragile relationships can be. you never know when you will just lose hold of someone so important to you. and to me, i find it even more scarier. because i've lost too many before. and im very afraid. but not many people can tell that im really afraid. the strong personality, the smiley face that i put up infront of everyone.

only a few will really know. i am so afraid. so. God i pray, that i'll never lose anyone impt from my life again. Amen.

okay. enough of ranting. haha. some random post of the day. bleah.
i wanna go home and sleep!
loveloves.

have you heard of Don Moen's version of We are the reason?

watch it.


i have been searching for worship videos. and i tell you its fantastic.
worshipping is really great.

(((:

i had a great time in school today. CMSK was very funny. a lot of jokes. think Steph enjoyed it more because of all the nonsense i was talking about. haha. i never fail to make them LAUGH okay! what a good entertainer i am!
hahas.

today i applied at the MOE website. for relief teaching. guess what i am teaching? CHINESE! hahas. ina will be like " WHAT" i can imagine! hahas.

bleah.
friday!! i dislike going for UIR class. and i've a feeling i already failed the attendance requirement. crosses finger ))):
well. i'll start going for class.
haha. the only thing im prolly looking forward to. is because i gonna see him! hahas.
((:

byeee.

i want to blog seriously. because i need to pen down thoughts. or i might never be able to find out what is wrong with myself. so. ignore my post.
yah. pretend you didn't see anything. *points to INA.* xD

i had an extreme conversation yesterday. things may be harsh. but i know its the truth. i cried non-stop. because i had no idea what i've been doing. i have not been myself. i have hidden myself. my dark side from you. i knew i had to say it someday. but i struggled most of the time.

now that you know. you dont seem to understand. i am so afraid. i feel like leaning on ina and start crying again. I don't know why everytime i am so afraid. fearful of losing. i'll cling on to ina. i am really scared. i don't know how to explain that sorta feeling in me now.

who can really understand the situation i am in? if you were me, what will you do huh? will you move on bravely, or like me? getting stuck. i know you'll say move on bravely. but hey. i say that all the time too. i'll move on. but you know what happens. like what you said. somethings you expect will not turn out the way u expect it to be. and prolly you'll get stuck too.

i don't like the way you make it sound as if everything is so simple. because if it was simple. i would have got over it. actually its over already. i think this the last time im gonna address that issue. before the book is out.

im doing everything not for the people to see. but for God.
i somehow just sense that God is wanting me to write the book. He planned everything from the beginning to use me. He wants to use me, to use my past and bring people back to Him. He wants me to be a living testimony of His works in me. and i'll continue working at it.
but still, i thank you for the support you are willing to give me. although you still do not understand why i am doing all this

its ok. oh btw, this post is not meant for u. its for me( that is if you ever come across this post.)

seriously, i felt really hurt yesterday. not by the words you say. but i regretted not sharing with you earlier. i regretted from hiding myself from you. i am so sorry. SIGH

yesterday. i felt as if i had dropped into a dark pit. i never wanted to show you my weakness. and now i had. i feel pain. because you've seen through me. you've seen the kind of person i am. i feel shameful of myself. and i feel guilt.
i don't know what i can do now. im gonna pray very hard. im gonna seek God these few days when i am not going to be meeting you. i seriously need time to sort out a lot of emotions. then start writing the book again. for now, i'll just leave the story where it is. until i get a confirmed answer from God that i should really continue writing.

i have lost my appetite for days. i really have no more energy to care about the rest of the stuff. but at least God is really faithful. my mother gave me allowance for this whole week. so praise the Lord!

and keep me in prayers dear friends.
special thanks to CL for covering me in prayer.
(((:

takecare.
loves.

A child's story - 30% completed.
im at chapter three already.
it takes really a lot to write this story. oh well.

i slept quite long in the afternoon today. hahas. i had nothing to do. i know i know. there's plenty of projects to do. but im slacking. oh well )))):
sigh.

im having mixed up feelings now.
btw, Hana Kimi is really nice to watch. hahahas. im falling in love with it.(((:
LOL.

im only ranting here. BYE

im spending the next few days writing a story for creative writing.
after writing two chapters, i realised my story is basically like "a child called it" my story will be a true story bout my own life. the broken promises. the broken hearts. rage. hatred.
it is a story that shows every single event that really happened.
the story's title will be. The child's story.

fantastic. not exactly. each time i try writing. i go back to the past. and its as if i am on a journey back. and when i come back to reality. i feel my heart aching so much. each time. more&more. yes i admit im becoming more and more emo.
somehow as emo as i get. i still hold on strongly. i'll never admit defeat.
God has been here with me all along. although i feel the pain, when i look up. i feel the warmth of God's hands. He has been there all along.

so i'll still continue writing this story. because i want to give thanks for the life i've been through. and i want to share. i am always better at expressing when i write. and after i finish the story. the first person i would pass my story to is my boyfriend.
i realised i have hide too much. too much stuff that need to be told. but not sure when. so this time. i will. i promise.

byeee.
loves.

i've not blog for so long.
been so busy.

choir.chin's birthday. creative writing presentation. hur. plenty of stuff.

well. SWEN results !! 34/50. sigh. quite low actually. but nvm lah. (((:

joyce's birthday today! (((: happy birthday my dear sister. hahas. joyce is my boyfriend's sister. so yah. in-case you were wondering.
and bleah. im so stuck now.
i need a new job. gonna really pray that God shows me a way. by the end of next week, if i still can't get a job. yea i'll work at macs. i know everyone's telling me the pay is pretty low. but well, it beats sitting around not being able to find a proper job right?

i'll ring nicole up tmr. and ask whether she has any part-time job on hand. ((:
i feel really poor now. lols. lots of family issues happening.
but on the brighter side. my brother bought me a laptop! hahas. that really really cheered me up a lot.

sigh. recently i've been thinking a lot. it seems that i've been going through quite a lot. and i feel that God wants me to really face a lot of reality. and not just pretend and deny that there is nothing wrong with me. and that all these happens for a reason. i know i've to do something about it. prayers. surrendering it all to God. well. give me time. okay?

yea. i had a lot of sharing today. particularly with lynette and ina. and i am really glad i have great friends around me. where we can share with each other. really appreciate them a lot. really hope that lynette will turn to Christ soon. yah. i have faith in God. that one day she'll really come to accept Him with all her heart. (((:

i am gonna stop here. tmr is a long day. programming and cmsk. well, i can say im looking forward to WBAT. (((: loveloves.

byeeee.

sigh. im in school lab now.
slept at four am in the morning. did my assignments from 10pm till 4am. 6 amazing long hours. really want to thank God that i am able to complete everything by today.

and for sending people along the way to help me with my coding. really grateful.
right now. im exhausted. and pissed off. and frustrated at some particular reason.
im probably too tired thats why im very pissy.

i feel like fainting now due to exhaustion. i've a feeling i might just drop dead on the floor. sigh.
i need my bed. need my sleep.
need my boy the most. but he's busy now.

listen to my rantings. sigh. im tired . bye.
)))):