you never know.

my heart aches so much when i see you.
and now, i just dread so much to just be where you are.
everything goes wrong.

you never seem to care.

happy, are you happy?

FRIDAY.

i finally went to rebond my hair (:
the process of doing it :


you can see my hairstylist at the back, abit blurred. haha. he's nice. -.-

my new hair cut, i love it (:

anyway,
we decided to hold emily's farewell after my rebonding hair session. also, we wanted to celebrate all our 21st birthday way in advance together. therefore, we booked the pit, bought the food and stuff. and we went to pasir ris park (:

the nice, yummilious birthday cake from four leaves.

three of us. with our love dogs. annette is holding pinky, emily is holding waggy, and of course puggy is with me. pinky&waggy belongs to warren. (:

happy birthday (:
8 years of friendship; still counting.

i wonder what we prayed, or ask for. haha.

blowing the candles.

after the bbq, we headed to warren's place for mahjong again. i have to stop play mahjong!
it's quite tiring after mahjong, and it's really bad for my spiritual life. plus, next week, i'm starting work. so i can't play anymore!

haha.

waiting for time to fly, before i head to pasir ris mrt to meet shermaine, then cab down to andrews & jessie's place (:

lots of fun.

met up with the girls & warren for some sing-a-long session at teo heng. haha, it's my 3rd time there in a month.
enjoying it the fullest now

blurred ):

emily sings!

emily & annette sings together.

my beloved puggy -.-

yesterday, i met up with the tuition centre's manager. things are going quite well for me. Praise God! after 6 months of struggling with what to do and just persevering on with prayers, i make it through! although i do not have a fixed salary or anything like that. but i know that since i'm doing God's work, God will provide! (:

Thank God!

Next week, i'll be starting the training at the tuition centre as to how to teach and stuff like that.

the faster i pick up the skills, the sooner i can start classes and get some money rolling in (:

and, yesterday was another mahjong session where emily and i kept losing like crazy -.-

both warren&annette won, love unity wins huh?

-.-

but it ended earlier than expected because my nose started reacting funny, sneezed non-stop until now, i'm still sniffing! feel so apologethic to all of them. they left early because of me ):

sensed abit of displeasure too, but i know you all will forgive me. (: haha.

tmr, i'll be rebonding my hair with emily. then, we'll have bbq as emily's farewell before she leaves for switzerland and also celebrating 3 of our 21st birthday way advance (:

lovelove.

will update with more pictures!

what a day (:

i still miss him!
but it's really quite true, i'm starting to get more used to it now. i don't bawl over him like every now and then. and everything is just falling into place nicely, keeping me well occupied.

these are the girls i practically grew up with. (:

yesterday, met them up after tuition. had cartel. forgot to take pictures again ):

anyway, we decided to play mahjong in my squeezy room without a mahjong table, it still worked out well, but would be better if there's a mahjong table! haha.

we played till 5.30am. was really exhausted by then. after they left, i immediately zonked out ):

this week is busy,busy,busy!

ktv on wednesday again with annette&emily. haha.

downs and ups.

Saturday, 23 May

yesterday morning was really tiring, heart wretching, lots of guilt and shame.

just when i thought that i just couldn't find the energy to smile anymore, i realized that i'm very blessed with friends who were able to make me smile naturally.

went for joanne's 21st birthday yesterday night. it was really hot and warm! haha.

but i guess meeting up with my poly schoolmates was really fun. honestly, i never really thought that i would be able to talk to them, or that our "frequency" will match or whatsoever.

but after meeting up yesterday, i never regretted my decision.

all of a sudden, i just decided to open up myself to making friends again. give myself a chance to know people more, giving people a chance to step into my world.

eversince don't know when, i always had a wall blocking people from stepping in, i only mix with people my heart allowed. but right now, i'm learning to open up to others.

(:

Sunday, 24 May

today, was on duty for ushering. the second time ushering already. it's quite easy to get about it.

it was an awkward morning for me. i just had mixed feelings bout stuff.

but i guess, soon after lunch, things started to get better and better. i thank God for that.

today sermon was all about unanswered prayers.

there are times when i feel so discouraged bout my prayers never getting answered. but today i was so encouraged. and i felt God just speaking to me, telling me that he has been hearing my prayers. and through all these difficult times, he has been there, and he knows what i'm going through, the pain i'm experiencing, the fears and stuff.

i was so touched by God that i just stood there shaking and crying out to him. letting God do the healing in me.

lunch was good (: then someone mentioned ktv again impromptu. haha. -.-

so we headed to teo heng. it was like abi's first time in ktv. haha.

it's so cheap!

i forgot to take pictures ):

anyway, after that another impromptu suggestion was to go home and get changed, then head to east coast park. so clayton, and his friend, and shaun jogged, whereas christine cycled and i blade.

i think though this two impromptu event, i managed to get my spirits back. and also, feel much better about fellowship with christine.

eversince, jeffrey left for taiwan. things has been happening one after another. it left me heart broken, left me in so much pain, so much fear. but something that comforts me is that, i know i'm growing stronger through every single event.

i learnt plenty of things in this tough journey. and i know i'm not alone.. i have wonderful friends supporting me every now and then.

thankyou, my friends. for being there for me always.

i also learnt that true friends are the one who tells you the truth always, though it may hurt so much initially, but then it's only because they hope the best for you.

thankyou christine. everything spoken on the phone, just means so much to me. (:

thankyou ina, for always understanding me even before i speak, for always being able to make me smile and feel so much motherly love. (haha)

thankyou lfc, your jokes always makes me laugh non-stop (:

many many thanks. (:

on a random note, i miss jeffrey. HAHA

difficult times; God is good.

i miss this boy so much.

had a long talk this morning with him, a really good talk (:

daddy has been discharged. but, he has to go back to the hospital next week again.

i really pray that it isn't cancer or anything like that.

just when i start to love him, appreciate him, i pray he won't be taken away from me like that.

you know, it's so hard to face all this pain, yet force myself to smile, play games, have fun. but yet, i have to do it all the time. i'm full of fears, yet i'm still playing away happily.

i don't know why i'm typing all these random stuff. but i'm just hurting as usual.

my dad's condition, myself, you. i just don't know what to do.

talked an hour long on the phone with christine.

somehow, God is teaching me new things through people, through situations. especially when baby is not around, this is the best time for me to absorb things.

i'm so zonked out now.

& i think i owe a few people apologies.

hmmmm.

on a happier note,

happy birthday joanne! (:

will see you later at your party

(i don't think you'll see this, but oh well)

a disastrous day

daddy was hospitalised the day before.
he has been pooing out loads of blood. he's still in hospital today, not sure yet when he can be discharged.

bad incident #1
yesterday, i had the intention to go visit him. so i went with my mom.
in a rush, i left my phone at home. after reaching whitesands. i told my mom to go ahead, so i took the same bus back home, to get my phone. i was afraid jeff couldn't contact me (esp he's in taiwan now) and also, i haven't informed my tuition student i could not make it for tuition.

and when i got home, i had missed jeff's call already.

bad incident #2
i reached novena, but my mom told me to come down to toa payoh instead, she said don't have to visit daddy. later on then visit, she pulled me along to some karaoke with all her old friends. which is smth i definitely hate, and do not enjoy.
my purpose was to visit my dad, not play and have fun like this. i was so upset.
so i left, on my own.

bad incident #3
i waited very long for a bus, more than 1/2 an hour. anyway, i got up the bus, when the bus just turned into tampines area, it broke down.

bad incident #4
i thought to myself when i finally reach my void deck, thank God i'm home.
i used my key to unlock the door, but...
the door could not unlock! i tried and tried. i called my mom and brother, but they were not free!
after trying for 20 mins, my key got stuck. and after the whole day of event, i just cried outside my door.
i called ina, and started crying over the phone, telling her how miserable my day was.

bad incident #5
i left my keys at the door, without thinking of taking out the metal grill key. i headed for jeffrey's house to visit puggy instead. after being at his house for no more than 15 mins, my mom called.
she scolded me for leaving the metal grill keys outside, she told me to walk back immediately to get the keys, then walk back to jeff's place. it was so terrible to have to walk that long distance to and fro. so i brought puggy out.

bad incident #6
it started to drizzle and rain! ):


that was my whole day.
i felt so exhausted. so tired, especially when my pillar of support is just not here. i couldn't lean on him and cry. i couldn't do anything. everything was helpless.
my dad. i don't know what's wrong, i only know, things has worsen quite a lot from a few months back, i'm kind of living in fear. but, i do not know what to do anymore.
but to trust God. trust in God and be still .



p.s thanks ina for helping me stay calm over the phone yesterday,i do appreciate it so much (:

photos!

this picture was when puggy and i just came back from a walk, she immediately lie down and did not get up anymore. haha. puggy is so lazy. :/

everytime after lying down, you call puggy's name, she'll stretch. jeffrey and i will always say in a cute puggy voice, "haiyo, stretching stretching arh" then she'll wag her tail and look at us! adorable baby.

hmmm, thinking of her love.

puppy eyes!

i'm loving my puggy more and more. oh man, she reminds me so much of jeffrey.

sometimes, it amazes me how both of them are so similar in terms of habits, character. but one is a dog, the other a man -.-

KTV with LFC.
christine called to ask me out for ktv yesterday evening..
haha, it was so last minute. it was said that Clayton needed to destress. but in actual fact,
Clayton said he wanted to "xa ji" meaning slaughter chicken(singing). christine didn't manage to get what he said. she thought he really wanted to kill some things and needed to destress.
haha. joke.

secrets uncovered! christine is a great singer! hahaa. for me, i've simply thrown choir's face. HAHA. i'm too scared. i told her, next time we going ktv, tell me earlier, i'll go earlier. like 4 hours earlier, i'll book a room, sing and practice as much as i can, then go with them.

hahaha -.-

3 weeks without you

jeff left yesterday for Taiwan. hmm.

i feel so weird today without jeff. cause normally, sundays are always spend in church together, then lunch by ourselves or with my cell, then time with puggy and his parents, dinner with them as well.

so it's just so weird without him.

:/

come back soon baby, safely in one piece. i love you lots.

(:

bad things, good things

when we go through bad things, there's a bitterness in it, but somehow God always wants the best for us, so then comes the good things which brings sweetness.

recently, i've been so exhausted. not through working or whatsoever, but in my spiritual life.
dad is falling sick every now and then. things are not going smoothly for me, and sometimes, i just want to call out for a break.

but somehow, as i try to gather myself and sit down and spend time reading dailybread, everyday God speaks to me directly regarding issues. and peace fills my heart.
i really thank God for all the good things he has done for me.


yesterday, i went swimming with annette and emily, the jacuzzi was great! haha.
then steam bath which i don't appreciate, it was too hot, i couldn't breathe! then, we went to nihon mura for the buffet which has free flow of sashimi! haha, it was good!
they came to my place to play mahjong and monopoly.
didn't really win much at mahjong. haha. my tiles were lousy, lousy and super lousy!
):

i'm waiting for jeff now, because puggy stayed over at my place last night, so we've to send her home later. (:
i'm so glad somehow that things are cleared up. (: