temporary closure of blog.

i am going through a very rough patch of life now. but i can't tell anyone anymore. all i can say is, friends, keep me in prayer. that God will really deal with me and heal me.

im dying inside. really. i need to go. have a break.
love all of you.

God bless.

when facing difficulties, what do you do?

yesterday, because of frustration. i cried for no reason. i prayed and prayed. and God revealed certain things to me. i came to a realization bout myself, my behavior.
and i continue to pray, that i'll continue this journey of healing.
its quite hard to be patient when you want certain thing badly.
but God says, wait.

as i continued to pray on, my heart was moved. and im thankful for yesterday night.
really thankful.









meeting the girls later. (: i'll have fun!
eating my lunch now. seeya!

i really really love you (:

haha. corny title. but i love.
haha. i've to go work in 45 mins. -.- a very long journey there.
bleah. somehow, im crossing my fingers that he will give me a surprise visit. but there's a voice at the back of the head telling me he won't . >.<
haha. i really wish he wld come and look for me after work. but he has work tmr. so its okay. (: haha.

anyway. im flying in 4 days time! whoohoo. but tonight i've lots of things to do. just read 6 of the gc email. -.- there are lots to prepare for tmr's consultation. like hey, i didn't know it was graded ! bleah. looks like tonight i've to drink some coffee and start researching.
hmmm.

i am contemplating whether i want to bring my laptop along with me to shanghai. a really tough decision. haha. scared i might lose it. someone might steal it. its so not safe. howhow?
btw, i found out that im in the same room as yi yuan i think. i miss yingjie. i want yingjie. not that i don't like yiyuan. but she's so quiet. besides, she has a boyfriend in GC too. and she'll be running to him all the time. then i'll be left so lonely in the room. BAH.
ok fine. i'll go look for qianhui&yingjie & a few others.

bleah! -.- i miss jeffrey aw. ):
whatever.
gotta go.
loveloves.

i kind of love this picture. haha. i love jeffrey (:

hmm. today i went out with ina. supposed to go get the jab. but i think qiqi is too lazy. sigh.
i'll go after i come back from shanghai. crosses my finger. hahas.
went to grab a few things from TM. to get rdy for my trip to shanghai. (:
happy.

haha. then headed to church. met jeffrey for dinner. then had meeting. meeting was good i guess. the games seem fun and stuff. haha.

i did quiet time today. today i was telling ina bout a lot of stuff that i didn't tell anyone at all for bout 2 months plus. bout my spiritual walk with God and a lot of stuff la. i think i almost teared out of frustrations that i was going through. the disappointment in myself and my actions. yea. but i made a personal promise to God and myself. that i won't _____ anymore. (fill in the blank yourself)
yea. and i had a fruitful QT today. tmr morning i'll do QT ! i'll do QT!!

i think i had a good day today (: especially i get to meet my bf. though its work. haha.
and tmr another day at work. but that's at 7pm. hoho.
i'll play sims2 for the whole day. or be a nice girl and help do the housework. but i a bit lazy leh. howhow? haha
-.-

okok. gotta go.
loves.

p.s emily & annette : i can't take leave on friday. so won't be able to meet. we can meet on sunday for dinner before i fly off. will be at the airport at 8pm. really sorry bout friday. you 2 go ahead w/o me. or come gelare look for me ? haha. (((:
loves.

im starting work in 2 and a 1/2 hours.
working at eastcoast park gelare. qianhui introduced me the job.
i thank God i found a part-time job. better get some money in. and start buying my chinese books to study.

NIE. my goal to enter there as a chinese teacher. but, i heard that its quite hard to get in the interview and entrance exam leh! pray hard. although its 1 year more to go. but have to start preparing for the exam already.

haha. sims 2 is so fun. fun. fun! created a family of my own. haha. -.-
ok. thanks to emily who introduced me the game.
i think its a short entry.
im tired.
byeeee.

pray that my job will be smooth sailing. may God be with me through out ! (:
loves.

an awesome day out with the girls

i had an enjoyable day. apart from the travelling here and there.
went to update my passport photo, took a photo at bedok. paid a horrible 6 bucks for nothing. because i didn't know passport photos cannot have your eyebrows covered. so i had to take another shot for 5 bucks at the passport place.
11 bucks wasted just like that. ):

that's really bad. but i had a great time catching up with ina. met at 11am. then ina was busily explaining to me bout "qi pu lu" haha. im going there in 9 days time! shanghai!! WHEEE.
anyway, i took 5 trains today. SIGH. from pasir ris to bedok. from bedok to lavender. from lavender to jurong east. from jurong east to orchard. from orchard to yio chu kang. my ezlink card has no balance anymore. gosh. hur.

anyway after meeting ina, i went to yio chu kang to meet emily, took a long bus ride down to whitesands. chat a lil here&there. then waited for annette. i guess all three of us always have endless conversations. which is good. tmr the girls are coming over my place. annette&i are supposed to teach emily ado.NET and some website stuff.

so another day will be spent with them. well i enjoy their company a lot. (: i thank God.
haha.
tmr is tony anthony event. i expect a fantastic service tmr. whoohoo (((:

okay. blog till here. will post photos once emily uploads them.
loveloves.

HAPPINESS. DO YOU HAVE IT?

do you have it? i think happiness is a very broad term. what is the true definition of happiness?

looked up the dictionary. and there were 2 explanations.

1. the quality or state of being happy.
2. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

so what's being happy? you can be happy, yet feel lonely at the same time. you can be happy yet feel that smth is missing.

to me, happiness is when i can stop getting hurt, when i can laugh from the bottom of my heart all day. happiness is when i see no more corruption in the world. happiness is when everyone is happy. that's my happiness. happiness is when im able to spend my entire life with him.

so what is yours?

i hate to see people telling me that life is meaningless (though i say that sometimes, but soon i came to a realization that its not meaningless, everyone has a purpose in life). i hate people to have suicidal thoughts. i hate to see people criticize bout everything they can. about people's dressing, the way they look. yes laughing is prolly an enjoyment to you. but its just wrong.

but i've no right to go interfere in anyone's personal life.

i hope happiness will come my way soon. no doubt, i do feel happy. but my definition of happiness must be a long-term happiness. i want true happiness, not happiness on the surface.

i hope all of you will get your true happiness someday, somehow. God bless.

OK. yesterday i had a so-so day. but i came home glad. glad i told you why. glad that i didn't keep it in myself again. its not the things that comes before me that annoys me. i just want to see a happy jeffrey everytime i see you. i want to see the jeffrey i went out with during our first date. that's my desire. it doesn't matter if we don't meet often, as long as each time i see you, i can see you happy. you being happy is the most important thing to me.

i cannot explain the kind of joy i've now. indescribable.

oh well.

today im going to meet girlfriends ! hmm, im meeting ina at 11am. to go change my passport photo, and have a chat with her, then i'll be going TM to meet annette&emily at 7pm. (: whoohoo. a great day with the girlfriends. anyway its good that i plan to meet the girlfriends on friday. because jeffrey is busy with worship practice. -.-

hmmm. hope we'll all have fun today. though i've a lack of funds. AIYA. haha. i overspent. and i don't know how. -.- haha. i can't remember how i overspent. -.- stupid.

nvm.

and and 9 more days before i leave for shanghai! whooohooo. hope i can get to bunk in with yingjie or clar. (: my two hopes. i think chances to bunk in with clar, is abit far ar. though we same coach, but not in the same class. yingjie still got greater chance because she's in the same group, same class. haha.

but then again yingjie and i are of the same race. -.- so they might split us up. BLEAH.

haha. but i love tv03 as well as the orphanage comm (: wheeees.

next week im so free. anyone want to date me out? lols. its kinda sian to stay at home always. haha. nvm, i can start packing my luggage (:

loveloves
gotta go. what a long entry today.

hmmmmm.

loves (:

ok. i took this from clar's blog. i think my eyes look funny in this picture. but i just wanted you all to see clar. because i think she's really pretty. REALLY. ((((:

Do you love me? do you?
if the answer is a true yes , deep from within your heart. then i shall set my mind. and not have any fear in my heart anymore.
if the answer is a true yes, deep from within your heart, then i shall open up my heart for you.
if the answer is a true yes, then don't leave me anymore.
if the answer is a true yes, let me trust you with all of my heart.
if the answer is a true yes, i'll stay by you inregardless of how long i've to wait.
if the answer is a true yes, i'll stay by you with no complains.
if the answer is a true yes, i'll be myself. and i'll no longer live up to the standard you've set aside for me.

But,
what if the answer is "i don't know" or "no"
what will happen to me?
how will i ever pick myself up again?
i've grown too deeply in love with you. i know myself, that i cannot live w/o you anymore.
are we moving on too fast? are we pretending too much that we're happy? when will we stop pretending. we know there's smth wrong.

please i pray, let the answer be a yes. a true yes from deep within. no more pretense.
we shall no longer keep a false front infront of each other.
no longer. just be ourselves. for who we are. that's all i want to say.

i love you.

im very tired recently.
after complaining im sleeping too much.
why can't days just be normal for me?
i guess tireness is really accumulative. but hey. im looking forward. because im going to shanghai. although i have tutorials every night. but i guess, this trip will be a good refreshing one for me.

i kinda am getting to love the orphanage comm. yesterday we went out for a meeting. and then went to buy some gifts for the kids. and a bunch of us went to the arcade. really funny. clar was really high. -.- and while we were playing, glenn came over and said, "Ask you all come do work, you all play arcade!" then he started playng also.
lame lah.

hmm. today went back to school. pack the goodie bags. now waiting for qianhui's stuff toy to arrive.

okay. yesterday i was rather unhappy. but then i kept telling myself this, i must be happy. so i pushed back all the unhappiness. i think God really gave me strength, and peace. this morning i was still feeling awful. because i had a bad stomachache. plus a headache. and yet i've to go back to school. but then seeing the people at school lifted up my spirits alot.
(:

okay. im gonna stop blogging.
loveloves.

i thought i might just want to post about something that i really want to give thanks for.

recently, i've been feeling very blessed. by the fact that i actually have good friends around with me.

for instance, after i graduated from sec school, i never thought annette &emily & i would still meet. i always thought once i graduated, i prolly won't be close to them. and that when they go out, they will not call me along.
but then, im amazed. i now finally agree that secondary school friends last the longest. i finally agree on that statement in my eighteenth year of life. how fantastic right? lols.
and the things we girlfriends talk about is forever entertaining. lots of joy, and some sorrow too. but we share with each other. we lament, we rant all we want.
when the night comes, and we've to return home, we wish we didn't have to leave.
i give thanks for this special friendship between three of us. indeed im blessed.

the next person on the list is ina. well, who said that poly friends come and go and does not stay. well. ina has been faithfully with me as a friend. a friend who i can confide in. a friend that i can trust. although she really annoys me when she is lazy. haha. and i think she also get annoys with me at plenty of moments, when i am grouchy and all. hurray ina! (: i love you.
ina is my A&C partner. (btw, shen rae also in our A&C group. hehe)

then there is aaron and chin. when i need a listening ear, chin is around. im really happy. and all. really.
and my choir members, esther and joanne. they are nice adults whom i can really talk to. really nice people.

of course the most important person will be jeffrey. he may not have all the time in the world with me. but love overcomes all. he's the first person ive ever fallen in love so deeply with.
he's the first person that can make me feel loved all over again and again each time we meet. he's the one that i can share things with at certain time. im amazed at this r/s God has blessed me with.

Father, i give thanks for the amazing people you have blessed me with. these friends who will walk through thick and thin with me. and i pray that you will bless all of them. annette, emily, ina, chin, aaron, esther, joanne, jeffrey. bless them with good health, with happiness, in everything they do. i pray all these in your name, Amen.

im finally gonna update again after a busy weekend. hoho.

im leaving for shanghai in 13 days. im kinda happy and a little sad. because i'll miss my boyfriend loads. haha. but aiya, nvm lah right?
haha.

saturday was tiring! i went to meet the fellowship comm for some interview. and i got in as a planner (: haha. whees. before the interview, darling called me and told me he's back. and i was so so happy. so went to his place. then went to youth church. haha. went to aaron's house to play game of life. well.. madness iwould say. reached home around 2am? slept at 3am.

dragged myself out of the bed at 6am. because i have choir. all hymns! i was so tired. and i almost dozed off while standing many times! i kept praying for God to give me energy and alertness. although i almost dozed off during practice. but worship during the 2 services was great. I was touched by a few of the hymns. as if, God was just speaking to me.
and i shared with Joanne. (: glad i shared.

and then i went out with my girlfriends, jeffrey, aaron and chin. played pool. i lost miserably, as usual lah. haha. and emily&annette brought up this subject. they ask me what i call jeffrey. haha. i found it really amusing. because i had never called jeffrey, jeffrey. or dear, or darling as in face to face, or on the phone, verbally.
and i don't know why. LOL.

hmm. my sat&suns were good (:
btw, INA is HOME! haha.
whatever.

and today i went school for GC exam. it was really easy. common-sense questions. lol, then we had briefing for the shanghai trip.
i'll post the details of my flight here.

SQ 816 2nd April 2007 (1st April NIGHT) 01.15am. *i must check in at 11pm.
anyone sending me off?

i'll be back on 8 April 2007 5.25am. LOL

today had another round of orphanage planning. im really tired. didn't get enough sleep last night too. because i tried to study. and it was a little wasted. bleah.
and tmr im meeting the orphanage comm at 10am - 1pm or even later. then at 4pm i'll be meeting aaron to go through publicity for YC, then 6pm - 7pm dinner. and then 7pm - 9.30pm is camp comm meeting. LOL. busy day!

even worse, weds i've to come back school again for rehearsal for those doing the skits.
bleah. and today i've to do the script.
SIGH.
i'll do the script after my nap.
lol.

gotta go.
loveloves.

im finally gonna update again after a busy weekend. hoho.

im leaving for shanghai in 13 days. im kinda happy and a little sad. because i'll miss my boyfriend loads. haha. but aiya, nvm lah right?
haha.

saturday was tiring! i went to meet the fellowship comm for some interview. and i got in as a planner (: haha. whees. before the interview, darling called me and told me he's back. and i was so so happy. so went to his place. then went to youth church. haha. went to aaron's house to play game of life. well.. madness iwould say. reached home around 2am? slept at 3am.

dragged myself out of the bed at 6am. because i have choir. all hymns! i was so tired. and i almost dozed off while standing many times! i kept praying for God to give me energy and alertness. although i almost dozed off during practice. but worship during the 2 services was great. I was touched by a few of the hymns. as if, God was just speaking to me.
and i shared with Joanne. (: glad i shared.

and then i went out with my girlfriends, jeffrey, aaron and chin. played pool. i lost miserably, as usual lah. haha. and emily&annette brought up this subject. they ask me what i call jeffrey. haha. i found it really amusing. because i had never called jeffrey, jeffrey. or dear, or darling as in face to face, or on the phone, verbally.
and i don't know why. LOL.

hmm. my sat&suns were good (:
btw, INA is HOME! haha.
whatever.

and today i went school for GC exam. it was really easy. common-sense questions. lol, then we had briefing for the shanghai trip.
i'll post the details of my flight here.

SQ 816 2nd April 2007 (1st April NIGHT) 01.15am. *i must check in at 11pm.
anyone sending me off?

i'll be back on 8 April 2007 5.25am. LOL

today had another round of orphanage planning. im really tired. didn't get enough sleep last night too. because i tried to study. and it was a little wasted. bleah.
and tmr im meeting the orphanage comm at 10am - 1pm or even later. then at 4pm i'll be meeting aaron to go through publicity for YC, then 6pm - 7pm dinner. and then 7pm - 9.30pm is camp comm meeting. LOL. busy day!

even worse, weds i've to come back school again for rehearsal for those doing the skits.
bleah. and today i've to do the script.
SIGH.
i'll do the script after my nap.
lol.

gotta go.
loveloves.

im finally gonna update again after a busy weekend. hoho.

im leaving for shanghai in 13 days. im kinda happy and a little sad. because i'll miss my boyfriend loads. haha. but aiya, nvm lah right?
haha.

saturday was tiring! i went to meet the fellowship comm for some interview. and i got in as a planner (: haha. whees. before the interview, darling called me and told me he's back. and i was so so happy. so went to his place. then went to youth church. haha. went to aaron's house to play game of life. well.. madness iwould say. reached home around 2am? slept at 3am.

dragged myself out of the bed at 6am. because i have choir. all hymns! i was so tired. and i almost dozed off while standing many times! i kept praying for God to give me energy and alertness. although i almost dozed off during practice. but worship during the 2 services was great. I was touched by a few of the hymns. as if, God was just speaking to me.
and i shared with Joanne. (: glad i shared.

and then i went out with my girlfriends, jeffrey, aaron and chin. played pool. i lost miserably, as usual lah. haha. and emily&annette brought up this subject. they ask me what i call jeffrey. haha. i found it really amusing. because i had never called jeffrey, jeffrey. or dear, or darling as in face to face, or on the phone, verbally.
and i don't know why. LOL.

hmm. my sat&suns were good (:
btw, INA is HOME! haha.
whatever.

and today i went school for GC exam. it was really easy. common-sense questions. lol, then we had briefing for the shanghai trip.
i'll post the details of my flight here.

SQ 816 2nd April 2007 (1st April NIGHT) 01.15am. *i must check in at 11pm.
anyone sending me off?

i'll be back on 8 April 2007 5.25am. LOL

today had another round of orphanage planning. im really tired. didn't get enough sleep last night too. because i tried to study. and it was a little wasted. bleah.
and tmr im meeting the orphanage comm at 10am - 1pm or even later. then at 4pm i'll be meeting aaron to go through publicity for YC, then 6pm - 7pm dinner. and then 7pm - 9.30pm is camp comm meeting. LOL. busy day!

even worse, weds i've to come back school again for rehearsal for those doing the skits.
bleah. and today i've to do the script.
SIGH.
i'll do the script after my nap.
lol.

gotta go.
loveloves.

qi pao. okay GC's tutorial . the topic was : draw an artifact of a certain race. and talk about it. of course i drew the qi pao lah. hahaha. abit ugly. -.-

hoho. my new gc classmates. new found friends. ying jie! (:
yingjie, neha and me (:
my group. top : neha and patrick. bottom: yingjie, hongwei, and me (:

i haven't blogged for very long.
because i have been really busy for Global Citizenship. but, its really fun.
my class have great people. well, a few potential leaders. patrick,edwin. hmm. i guess its a really good chance to mix around with more people.

and i got my results back. and im overjoyed. because i did really well for it. as in, based on my standards. my GPA finally went up by 0.24, if i put in the same amount of effort or even more for the next sem, i know i'll graduate with a GPA of 2.0 and above with the grace of Jesus.
loves!

my whole week has been hectic. we are all preparing for the trip to shanghai. i joined the orphanage planning committee. hmm, its really fun though.
monday, i went to school till 1pm or so. then i went out with kian hwee to bugis. i haven't spoke to her for so long. until GC la. and we are still as talkative as ever. those days. haha. and she told me some stuff. __________ please fill in the blank.
it was a great talk girl, and we've loads more to come at shanghai! maybe we can bunk in together! haha. loveloves.

tuesday was probably one of my lowest point of my week. haha. well, after school, i went to jeffrey's house, supposed to give julianna tuition, but she didn't seem keen on it, so i fell asleep at his house while waiting for him to come home.

wednesday, we went asian civilization musuem. BORING. but i got to know a few of my classmates better. and i took a 1 and a 1/2 hour bus ride with edwin and his nonsense. goodness. he is mad. and the funny thing is. he actually knows justin, julius,jeremy and gang. -.- went for choir, really drained during choir. because i was so tired. stomach wasn't feeling well. but there is a song that really touch my heart a lot.

i'll be rather busy for the next 2 weeks, before i leave for Shanghai, getting ready for the orphanage and stuff. plus i haven't done the publicity timeline for YC camp! ARRR.
screams* and kianhwee got me a part-time job. that spells busier than ever.

jeffrey left for batam this morning. im kinda lost. but i prayed very hard, that i wouldn't feel lonely, upset whatsoever. ina is stll in shanghai, jeffrey is in batam. sigh.
whatever.

im gonna go take my afternoon nap soon.
loveloves.

hoho.
im in another of my fantastic mood. i think.
hmm.

today we weren't late for service. and i thank God. haha. i was like praying that he wouldn't go back to sleep and will come on time. although he didn't come on time. but we still made it to church on time. so im really happy. and smiles (:

haha. had cell today. only a few turned up. the girls; chuili,evelyn,theodora,shenrae and me. the boys; chin,jeffrey,yung,costa.
so few. ohoh. i miss ina already. a lot. very much.
today's discussion was about forgiveness. i think i learnt a lot through today's discussion though somewhere earlier i almost dozed off.
there is smth wrong with my body system. i have to sleep. sometimes i just keep falling asleep. and i sleep really a lot. and when i don't sleep after like a few hours, i'll have a terrible headache. but after i sleep, i feel giddy.

so pray for me. that i may stop those sleeping habits, and not let it affect me.
tmr im going back to school (: for the shanghai trip lessons. sigh, don't feel like going back school. no money to earn leh! haha. one whole week at that.
hmm.

hey shalom, the photos for our pulau ubin trip are located in my photoalbums. under the name shalom. just click on the link at the right hand side okay? loveloves.

jeffrey aw is going batam on thursday. im sad. sad. ):
but okay lah. good rest for me.
hoho

thank God the hard times are over already.
and im really thankful that you didn't leave. really. i was crying my eyes out that instance you said that sentence. i felt myself crashing.

but im thankful. (:
loveloves.

chuili, if you are reading this entry, i think i'll go pastoral counselling. because because. the 2 precious people in my life are supporting me. and asking me to go. so im going. for the sake of them, for the sake of myself, my happiness. (: so arrange for me okay?

i must go do Highquest later. im left with one day. im gonna go pray that annette&emily will turn up for service tmr. that's an important thing to me. really important.

anyway today i had a fabulous day! early in the morning, i had to go over jeffrey's place at 8am. so early. but well, worth it lah. then we had a family day. i love family events with his family. haha. we went marina square. played my first game of pool ever with him. 2-1 he won. so sad la. i almost won the last round though! ): haha. then we went to catch the movie, follow the law.
its actually a really funny show. ARRR. almost died of laughter.

haha. had lunch. then we went back to jeffrey's house. accompanied him till 6? helping him decide how to wear his clothes. because he had grad night. arrr. and he is super naggy. lols. but i love. (:

i had a fruitful day ! (:
misses ina. come back soon. i've so much to talk to you. never-ending conversation okay!
loveloves.

what is love? what is happiness?
love is when you have to sacrifice smth for the person you love. love is when there are sacrifices in a relationship.
there was once lynette said. in a relationship, if one party does not make the effort, the other party should carry on making the effort in order to not let the relationship fail.
then can i ask lynette, "what if the other party can't find strength to make the effort, but yet still loves the other party very very much. then what happens?"

i cannot cry. i tell myself. but tears keep flowing. because there is smth wrong with me. i refuse to admit that i can't handle everything alone. i refuse to admit defeat to every baggages im dealing with. even when chuili says "its really difficult and tiring for you to handle everything alone. " in me, i say "no, its not tiring. its a battle that i've to win. " but in reality, i've lost the battle long time ago.

the only way to win the battle, is to tell God that i need his help. besides him, there is no one else to help me win. the battle in me. must be led by the one and only God.
no matter how much pain im experiencing now, no matter how rejected i feel now, no matter what, Father i pray that you'll lead me in the battle with myself. that i'll come out as a winner. with victory. father i pray, that one day, i'll eventually be able to walk out of it. without anyone's help. but only you.

its hurting me like mad right now. the things that are going on, i cannot comprehend.
i need healing. i need strength. i need courage. i need patience. i need to have more faith. and most importantly, i must have hope. hope that God will eventually lift all this baggages from my shoulders. and that one day, i'll be able to really find the true joy in the Lord.

loves.
off to seeking God.

no more tears to be shed. no more weakness to be seen by people.
i've been naive, have been stupid. but no more.

show me some care. show me some concern. TELL me. that you care.
instead of just showing me you're busy.
nono. i don't want to sit behind you looking at you being busy.

i cried in that cinema. i cry almost everyday. but no more tears. i don't want to shed any more tears. im being stupid.

even after all these, my conclusion is, im still willing to wait.
friends, call me foolish. whatever. but this is my love for him. don't ask me why. don't ask me what am i going to do. because i've no answer in me.
i don't know what to say anymore.

till the next time, seeyou.



i love you. very much. more than you'll ever know. more than you can ever imagine.
really.









chuili wants me to consider to go for pastoral counselling. but i don't think i'll go. i don't know. im too tired to think.

sick.

im very lethargic later. looking for someone to go beach road with me, then shopping. but annette is having attachment, emily has school. yemin is going out with boyfriend. lynette is working. perline hasn't replied. stephanie is most prolly working.

SIAN. haha. all my friends are occupied. so now, im waiting for my mommy to come home. see whether she wants to go with me. can have a good talk to my mom. maybe my spirits will be lifted up. but i don't feel like hearing her nag and stuff. sigh.

im like so tired now. and its only 9.15am in the morning. hohoho.
today i went to search for an interesting storybook in my brother's small library collection. and i found this book called chasm. its rather interesting. at least i've smth to keep me accompany. hurhur.

i need a friend to come accompany ME now. haha. stupidity.

bye.

tellme. TELLME. TELLME!

how to react. how to learn. how to how to.

i have OVER estimated myself. really. i have.
im on the verge of breaking down. and i really want to run away from the world.
from you. from my family. from everyone.
im in deep haunting pain.

):

i desire. i yearn. i crave.
hear me from my heart.
im dead. so dead.
lost once more again.

my peace is gone from me once again. the peace , that i had seeked for so long, has been taken away once again.

one day. just one day. i'll burst into tears. and not want to face reality anymore. just wait for that one day. my limit is almost there.
who am i to say all this? what position do i have?

i really like the song "listen" by beyonce.
because of the lyrics.
"listen to the voice in my heart."

really, try to listen to the voice that's screaming in so much pain in my heart.
please, try to listen.
i don't want to try anymore. don't want to. ):

my heart has a hole that can never be filled. never be filled. no matter how much i try. im at the point of desperation. i cannot do anything anymore.
no strength. no smile. no nothing.

hoho.
if you're interested in seeing the video, the link is here.
hmm. i cannot seem to copy and paste the embedded link here. stupid youtube.
hahaha.

today is a great day! (:
i've had funny dreams. but oh well. haha.
i think what ina said is really corny but yet so true. when she's happy, i'm sad. when im happy, she's sad.
sigh. is there not a time when both of us can be happy together ?

well, its a trial she've to go through now. but i'll give her my support as long as she needs it. ina, God is indeed trying to tell you smth. be strong.
love.

have to go church later. (:
loves,
qiqi.

i created a video. some have seen it. haha.
shhh. a few more days then i'll upload it here.
hoho.


i miss jeffrey aw this instance. he's away at jb with aaron. when i thought i will wait for him to call me after cell. but nono. he went jb )):
haha. but God send plenty of people to talk to me in msn.


im joining youth fellowship comm! hahaha.
-.-
okay. bye.

whoohoo.
im supposed to go work in 43 more mins. well, i was dragging myself out of the bed. haha. yesterday. shalom; WE had plenty of fun. lols. the mud, the quarry. hoho. (:
i thank God for no major injuries, except esther who got a bruise on her ankle. hmm. thank you for sending the rain. and thankyou for the shelter to let us rain.
i believe this day is really good for cell bonding. and im so glad that i decided to continue planning this trip. (:

well, pulau ubin has plenty of memories for me. good ones, bad ones. but i said my goodbyes to the bad ones. haha. i told God, its time i stop thinking about those people, its time i let them go. (not my family yet, other people.) so im glad.
the quarry isn't as awesome as previously. the water has turned darker. or is it because there was no sun? hmm.

okay. im tired from the cycling. but nevertheless, we all had fun. haha.
thankyou to those who came. esther,chuili,yung,jeffrey,aaron,chin,waldy,david,boontat,costa.
hahas.

i spent my last day of chinese new year with the cellgroup, with jeffrey's family. we had dinner. and jeffrey taught me how to play chinese chess. ARRR. hahaha. i don't like strategizing games. its so tiring. hahaa. prolly yesterday i was too tired to think properly. but i learnt the game okay!the next time i play, i'll be much much better. because im intelligent (: haha.

loveloves.
i enjoyed myself very much.
(:

i think dreamgirls is good.

the movie dreamgirls, although there were too many songs. it was still good. if you can appreciate the songs, that is. really good.
i love the song by beyonce - listen. its so good. so full of emotion.
i love the power in all their voices. something that i would really like to have. they are so good i tell you. so fabulous.

so go catch the movie now. and enjoy listening to the songs. (:
im so bored this morning. there is really nothing to do at all. well, at least in 2 and a 1/2 hour i'll go bathe. then go church. youthchurch. haha.
i feel so out of place there. but oh well, its for God. so i'll gladly go church.
haha.


okay. i just wanted to say dreamgirls is good.
(:

hohoho. im overjoyed today. annette&emily are coming church on sunday. do i hear an AMEN for this?!
hhaah.
really grateful. i always feel happy when someone decides to come church and know more about christ. the feeling is just so wonderful.

today i had a great day with both the girls. chat about a lot of stuff. how we've all changed and everything. wonderful. caught a movie, "dreamgirls" well. the music is fantastic, but it tends to get a little draggy and boring in the end. but i love the songs. really (:

i think all 3 of us talked a lot today. a lot of sharing. fellowship i call it (: tmr im going youth church. haha. like wow. i decided to start going youth church. i think its God calling me. maybe there's more for me to serve in. haha.

im hungry now. we didn't eat dinner. well, why ar? -.- cannot remember.
okay. i must go sleep soon. zZz
tired.
bye.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his love endures forever

psalm 107:1

im grateful towards today's daily bread.

"Whether our experience of salvation sounds dramatic or not, the reality remains: “He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love” (Col. 1:13). Because we have been redeemed, we should want to tell others."

this part really spoke to me very much. im thankful.

what a great start today! (:

yesterday i was speaking to a friend about me and a lot of matters. and it was a good talk. although many of the facts i knew already, but it still encourages me to hear the same words over and over again. recently the three words, faith, hope, patience has really been part of my life.

okay. im gonna have a good day today!

btw, this post marks my 100th post using this blog! ((: hahas. loveloves

gotta go work soon.

then meet up with the girls . whoohoo~

byee.

unhappy people all over the place.

recently, i realized that a lot of people around me are unhappy. or, i realised if i were to ask, "are you happy?" 80% will tell me no. and this 80% of the people are people who do not know christ. or have not accepted christ.

most of the people i know, seem to be finding faults with everything. there is no peace to be found in their heart. there are those who numb themselves, there are those who bear grudges over every single things, there are those who fill their days with criticism of others. on the surface, they may be smiling, laughing after making comments bout random people. but deep down, are they happy? does it make you happy to criticize some one that passes by you who is dressed funnily? does it makes you really happy to gossip about he or she?
i really wonder.

i really feel sad for all this people. as much as i try to reach out, it seem that there is a limit to what i can do. afterall, i am just a tool for God. if their hearts are hardened, no matter what i say, nothing will go through.

i have many catholic friends. yes, they believe in God, they believe in Jesus. but how many of them, really follow the bible. or i may even ask, how many of them reads the bible? and out of the many who goes to church every sunday, how many of them shows christ character in them?
im disappointed.
disappointed in those who calls themselves a christian. yet their ways are so wrong. i cannot name names here. i'll offend so many. but deep in my heart, i become judgemental. because they are not what i expect them to be, i find it difficult to interact with them anymore.

Father, deal with me please. i pray that i'll be able to open up my heart to all this people and bring them back to the right track. no matter how difficult it'll be. Father i pray that i'll be able to do with your strength, Amen.

i have a good friend who is rather annoying at times. i don't know whether the problem lies with me or her. the things she say or does sometimes irritates me. there are plenty of times, when she's rather insensitive. each time , i feel annoyed, i tend to just ignore her. but i know things cannot carry on this way. i love her as my friend. really do. i pray that God will teach her. will change her. i pray that she'll grow spiritually with God. really. that's from the bottom of my heart. i definitely wish the best for her. really.

there are too much to be said. sigh.
im kind of disappointed with plenty of people.
God, i pray that you'll take away the disappointment in me, and that i may be able to face each and everyone of them again with an open heart.
Amen.


loveloves.

tired.tired. although it was only a short day of work. but i had stomach cramps the whole day. so i was practically dying. and trying to fight the coldness was difficult. was shivering all the while.

yesterday. i went to work till 3pm + then went back home and change. then i went out again to church! im in camp com as admin. and im kinda happy. i was praying for a sign from God whether i should join yc camp as a leader. but i waited and there was no sign. then jeffrey ask me to join camp comm. since they are in need of people also. then i realized why there was no sign. im very very thankful. because it has been my wish to go for church camp again!
thank God.

hahaha. so i'll be busy soon. soon~ but labour for God is good! hahahas.
tmr will be meeting annette&emily. hohoho. love love.
then sunday cell outing! pulau ubin.
im so looking forward to it. pray for good weather, safe trip to&fro, no one will get injured. etc .

okay. i better stop blogging and do some stuff. haha
byeee.