Rainbow Love

why am i so negative in my recent entries? i cannot understand the reason why.
im truely very tired.
im truely afraid of trying.
i truely hate this feeling.
and who can understand what i am going through?

you may show me facts that others are suffering more.
but can you lend a listening ear to me instead of telling me?
can you listen for once to my pains.

can you help me ease the missing of someone?
can you help me?

three consecutive days. i have been holding on to this burden in me. leting my tears flow endlessly. yet i have been puting up such a brave front. But deep within. i know how much i may not be able to take it anymore.
i held on. when i heard the sermon on Sunday. i was so touched.
and i want to work even harder but it is so difficult.

i am beginning to hate. to have anger in me. and i hate this kind of feeling in me.

Father, would you help me get pass all these?

can i not look at my mother anymore.
can i be wilful and lead my own life the way i want?
can i stop trying to please every single one around me? I AM TIRED OF PLEASING ALMOST EVERYONE. IM TIRED OF BEING SOMEONE that is weak.

show me the way out. even if there is no one for me to really lean on. can i lean on you? i just need some assurance once more. how to set my heart right again? how do i set my heart right for you and the people around me again ?

how do i stop being negative. and just smile happily?

to be really honest, no matter how much i try to deny. to live in denial, the reality is always there. no matter how much i try to tell myself, my past is NOTHING. but the reality shows it all.

i'll take some time off to be by myself. and set my heart right for everyone.
bye.