i am sick. so i took this photo to prove im not lying. i look sick? yes, no? sigh.
posting this. because i miss boyfriend. the day i took this photo was after CSAD submission, when i was feeling really down because of the project. and darling said he'll bring me go have something nice to eat. and we went hongkong cafe at Siglap. really enjoyed the moment i have with you, baby. (:
can you believe the spag top is from Espirt and it only costed me 5 bucks? hahas. now you know. and i really love that top a lot. besides, if you don't belong to the same school as me, you'll realised i've become tanned. just by one hour of swimming. i hate tan skins. sigh. it'll take me VERY long to turn fair again. well, i really love sports. so i've no choice. ))):.jpg)
taken before choir on Sunday. i love the star earrings. but it broke just after wearing once. ))):
since jeffrey doesn't come my blog unless i ask him to. i shall show you this. this is the valentine gift i prepared for him. you know, jeffrey's the only guy that can make me do a lot of things for him. he is just so special to me. i think ina knows that already. i never felt so loved in my life. and i really thank God. there was just once after that awful breakup. i ask God, "would you let me experienced real love? in chinese, its called hong hong lie lie de ai" and God just presented Jeffrey in front of me naturally. and when i ask God again, "is jeffrey the guy for me, someone i can spend my life with?" God replied me. He showed me the sign i asked for. and i know God is faithful. He has shown me grace. I really have no idea how to thank God but to really offer my life to Him. just like the song by don moen. "What can i do but thankyou, what can i do but give my life to you" so true indeed.right. so enough of all these. enough of the pictures.
this semester i've been facing plenty of problems. i've became vulnerable to certain stuff. and i know this is another trial for me. and i givethanks for all these. because it'll be a growing process for me.
this the first time i feel the hopelessness in me during projects. CSAD, has drain me of my energy leaving me weak. But what i can really give thanks for is the choir that comes during weekend. worshipping God returns me all my strength and energy that i've lost. refreshes me to start afresh in school each week. well, i've been tearing at my ability. somehow, no matter how much i try, how much effort i put in, into my assignments, it is too difficult.
like during the briefing today, the lecturer said, "IT is the most difficult course in IT school, in TP, and among all the polys" and yes, i agree with that.
the workload is more than we can really endure. the knowledge we've in our head might not be sufficient for our requirement specs and deliverables. it really takes a lot of logic to get things done. your coding foundation must be strong. and that really matters.
i've gone crazy. gone to the stage of giving up. quitting school. but i ask myself, "is it worthwhile?" the answer eventually is no.
and since i've decided to go NIE after i graduate. to be a chinese teacher, i shall strive harder to complete my IT studies. well, this semester is indeed a test to me.
just a few days after that conversation with jeffrey, i broke down immediately. not because we quarrelled - in fact through this 5 months together, we had never quarrelled, not even once. well, i cried because both of us were far too busy. the days we could meet were so limited. but i know for God, i'll endure everything. and because i was busy, i seem really tired at times, thus things said might be a little insensitive.
i just miss him so much. that i cried horribly. i rang lynette up. and started crying. and i haven't really cried that badly for really ages. and i cried out. all the burdens in me. all the unfairness in the world. and i cried for at least 1 hour plus. :x
and after that 1 hour plus, my eyes were just so swollen. and red. and i felt even more tired.
but after i broke down, i realised that i should just trust in the Lord. although there are times, when you really feel like blaming something, someone for all the unhappiness that happens. but still, who can you really blame? and if you can find someone to blame, what makes u think you've the right to blame?
so i got it. because of school work, my walk with God has really become distant. and i need to find that special and close relationship back with God. because overall, God is the only one who can really carry me through everything. well, people says i have the knowledge in my head but no application. so many refuse to give me advices, because it'll be a waste of breath. oh. and i totally agree with that.
well. i'll start building that r/s back with God.
really give thanks for jeffrey&ina; The two closest people who'll always support me.
really thank you.
loves.
its a pretty long entry. (:
