Rainbow Love

learning to live with it. is crushing me.
learning to live with her, its demoralizing me.
learning to live with my life, im weary.

God, will you save me? will you rescue me?
from all burdens, will you carry me through?

instead of asking will he? its time i start believing that i need not ask. but He'll. because He loves me so much. so so much more than man's love.
heart-breaking.
the sermon today was like millions of arrows pointing towards me. it was as if God was questioning me. i just felt my heart ache. and it ache non-stop.

Lord, what have i done? is this how i want to lead the rest of my life? is this how i really want to live ? i don't. as a matter of fact, i really want to start living joyfully with your joy.

dear has been really sweet today. after the scolding & all. although i was really tearing at all, but the things he does simply made me so so touched.
he said something like, "look towards your future, your future is me. Be strong, don't be so frail. you have to learn to take care of yourself and not let things hurt you."
and the strumming of his guitar, playing worship songs. singing to calm my heart down.
everything, i thankyou. thankyou polar. (:

so at least, i've smth happy to speak bout after this whole day.
seriously, time to wake up from the wallowing in sorrows. because the wounded will end up wounding people. and no, i don't want that to happen. i can't bear to see anyone get hurt because of my ownself.

after my semester end, i'll go look for mandy again i guess. cause i've so much issues to deal with. slowly one by one, i'll get healed. i know it.
that is my goal for now to work towards to.
before i want to make plans for future to reach out to people, i must first be healed.

Lord, this is my inner most desire now.
to be happy. to be healed. to have good family relationships. to be able to live life with joy. to be able to draw closer to you. to be able to reach out to the people in need. to be able to draw people into your kingdom as well.
i pray, you'll give me strength to go through this few weeks, before i seek help again.
Lord, i pray that your presence will always be with me through the loneliness in school, through the emptiness in life, through the hurts im facing, through the burdens im carrying.
Lord carry me through. i know things will turn out well. i still want to give thanks for everything. every situation/scenario i'm in now, i want to thankyou. because through this, once again i experience your faithfulness.
in Jesus's name i pray, Amen