afraid

7th August 2007

i'm afraid of hearing about the loss of someone.
when i heard news bout his dad.
i was shaken.
i know the pain of losing.
i know how it felt.

that similar feeling just flooded back all at once.
how everyone left me on that one fine day.
how i was left alone.
so i held back my tears in school.

i told jeff i wanted to be there for him as he support him
but in actual fact, i wished he could be there with me.
how selfish i am.
how pathetic i am.

i don't want to ask why.
i don't want to ask why people have to pass on.
i don't dare to ask why either.

now i know, later at the wake,
i've to be strong and not let my emotions get over me.
it's so weird when i'm not so close to him or his dad.
and i'm upset about it.
i guess, i'm still afraid of hearing bout the loss of someone.

i'm at lost. i don't know who to speak to.
because whatever i'm feeling now, to others are nonsense. ):