i haven't blogged for ages.
internet was down. and i've been very very busy.
when i say very very. it means really very very.
haha. -.-

from the whole monday - thursday, it has been major project week. really struggling to complete everyday's task. especially when you still have lessons. actually, nothing is going smoothly. but still, i want to trust in God. i want to trust Him, that He has great plans for my group and i. (:

and on thursday, i had some kind of conflict with my lab tutor. i am really apologethic i think. especially after talking to ina, i feel that im somehow in the wrong. my tone was really harsh. sigh. im gonna email him. and apologised.

yepp. went out for my one month one time date. haha. like finally you know? haha.
i was very excited at first. but it died out like really quickly. i've met him 5 days in a row. haha. i think im satisfied, to start my new week w/o him for another 5 days. haha. not that i do not want to meet him lah. i think i also need some personal space to go work things out - as in school stuff and quiet time. don't think too much lah.

my mom finally came for hokkien service. i've been trying to talk to her this few days. i really pray everything will work out fine. im seeing myself mature very slowly. i need to work harder (:

yea! tues im working (: morning - 6pm.
haha. anyone visiting me? most of you all will be at the fun in the sun event ): NOT FAIR ok.
bleah.
ok im gonna stop my blogging. and send shaw wen an email ):
nights.

i need some time with you. only you.

my title says, im in need of a romantic date. a one month one time date. with aw cher wah, jeffrey. you can't escape boy.

had a great sunday at his place with his family and hui sa came too (:

but, when i came home. i felt crushed by smth someone told me. and i really am lost for words. sigh. what else can i say. trust is that important in my world. but to them, i've lost it for i-don't-know what reasons. i guess, God is in control. He'll definitely make a way out for me.

today while having highquest, i was saying i feel happy that God owns me. its so true. i get so much security from God. that finally, someone owns me. someone whom i respect and love with all of my heart. i get distressed when people starts shunning me because i am a christian, because i am holy in their eyes, because i don't scold vulgarities like they do. because i don't go clubbing like they do.

in most people's eyes, im just a good girl that go homes early everyday. but although, such stuff happens, i'll not hide the fact, that i am a christian. i'll not hide the fact, that i read the bible, i'll not hide the fact that i spent quite an amount of time in church. i'll not hide. but i'll be proud of myself being a christian. that i've a wonderful God, that i want to share with you all.

i began to reflect on myself these 2 weeks because of the highquest. sometimes, im really not doing the right thing. for example, when the people were making fun of jialing, i joined in and laughed. i felt so guilty. this is definitely not the correct way. and i am definitely not showing christ character in me. and for this, i confess. and repent.

but guilt still stays in my heart. SIGH.

anyway, to the person who talked to me in msn just now, if i ever said such stuff to her, i'll apologise. but the thing is, im pretty sure i never told her. if i did say, im very sorry.

sigh. no more gatherings for me.
one is because of the issue that happened. second, im too busy with work and major project.
the busier i am, the better. but i cannot be too busy till i forget God.
like what Ps Dan foo says, "for those of you who can't sacrifice just 7 mins of your everyday life to read God's words.............." yea! faithful. (:

ok. gotta go.
loves.

im have been busy, busy and busy. but i thank God. because i finally have a day of rest. TODAY!

though i've a chalet later. (:
haha.

well, i began to see God's plan for me. for shifting my mp group. Although i was splitted up, but very quickly, i began to mix with my new group. talking to them has been an enjoyment.
and unexpectedly, we were on our way to external project.
although doing an external project, will mean more work, higher expectation, higher risks. i am still very willing to do so. and even my group are willing too.

i am very thankful for such a wonderful opportunity. But then again, i've to wait till Macdonald get back to me.

gotta go (:
loves.

IM TIRED

okay lah. im just physically tired. i haven't slept much yet. and im really struggling to wake up each morning.
got a briefing bout major project in school later on at 10am. then after that i'll come straight home and sleep till 5pm, then go to work (:

hoho. i need sleep !
i hate ns. ): okay, but i had to make it seem happier. but i really dread the thought of not being to see him for so long . okay not very long. BUT. ARGHS.
its a phase of r/s life that most couple have to go through. bleah. i hope the 2 years will pass very fast. thinking bout it 2 years means i'll be 21 (:

haha. okay. so im going youth camp w/o him.
bleah.


okay. im getting ready to go school.
i love my darling (:


loves

SUNDAY (: i love sundays.

haha. in one week, i love fridays and sundays.
oh yah. annette & emily, im working on friday. so paiseh. i forgot -.- SIGH. anyway you all can come gelare to look for me. i don't mind (: hahaha.

yepp. today i spent my day with jeffrey. church. then went to look at bicycles. okay. the truth is, i was really bored. hahhaa. but then i love him. (: so i follow lor. hahaha. but i tell you, i was really tired. i could fall asleep while walking. -.-
bleah.

had a good nap in the afternoon. then went out with his family for dinner. the usual sunday dinner (: hahaha.
then we walked home. i think walking with him is good. romantic walk. hahha.
bleah. tmr i need to go take my typhoid. and im working tmr (: i think it'll be good. though i won't know the 2 staff, katrina and john. make friends!

God bless me tmr.
hahaha. hope emily is feeling better. thanks for all the smsing. hahaha. (:
gotta go.
loves.

here to blog (:

my week has passed pretty fast. been rather eventful too!
wednesday i went out with a few of the gc members. i wouldn't say i enjoyed it very much. i don't know why. haha. -.-
thursday i spent the day at home, preparing for my powerpoint presentation. met my darling later at his place for dinner (: loves. had a great time playing monopoly. haha. i love (:
then friday, my PRESENTATION

oh man. i felt so angry ): not really angry lah. how would i describe ? hmmm. i really don't know. i was upset at hongwei, cutting into my time. i mean during exam, he already last min then return me my lecture notes, now presentation. i felt so irritated and stuff. LIKE WHY?! i wanted to score well. i doubt this module now actually pulls up my grade already. SIGH.

maybe there's a purpose for everything. alright. NOT maybe.
anyway let's drop this topic. i went out with yvonne, shuxin, yingjie, yiyuan, alex, edwin, matthew and anand. had a really lovely time laughing away at sakae sushi. eating so much. hahaha. non-stop man. then we went to walk around.

then i had to leave to meet annette&emily. had another great time of chatting . meeting them its like always the best event of the week. great friends (: i love.
haha. then i had to go home. because of the curfew my mom set for me already. no more late nights.
but.... next week i think i've a chalet! WHEEEE. and im happy bout it. hahaha. but then, there'll be so much drinking again -.-
I'll not drink too MUCH. haha.

but im looking forward already lah. today i met darling. spent the morning with him, then i went to ina's place. then went to church. im a regular customer at ina's place. always camp there. bathe there. watch tv there, sleep there. hahaha. its a no-wonder she want to collect rent from me. actually i kinda love nua-ing at ina's place. hahaha.
crazy me. -.-


OK! im gonna stop blogging. cause edwin is msn-ing me. -.-
BYE.

p.s i miss you my boy. don't ask me what if things don't work out in future. because i know it definitely will. (: i love you. love you. seven months already. (: and. its not that im childish that's why i don't think bout what MIGHT/MAY happen in future. its just that, im too afraid to go think about it. i don't want to lose you. I just simply love you too much. too too much. (:

look at the time now ! its 2.01 am. hmm. i've been staying up lately. doing projects.
i haven't had a good night rest for ages.
but then again, its good! when im busy, i think lesser.

haha. school's reopening really quickly. i haven't even catch up with my breath. and i've to start being busy over major project again.
oh well. my presentation is in 8 hours time. God bless me. (:
im really tired. i should go get some rest soon.

i miss jeffrey (:
after coming back from shanghai, seeing him makes me fall in love with him again. and right now, i can really say that i only love him and no one else (:
hahaha. he's my lion (:

okay. im really hungry now. but im ignoring that feeling. i've lost weight since i came back! WHOOHOO.
my spirits was lifted up today. i met jeffrey. (: haha. and i talked to edwin. and the things he said, just made me feel better. away with those feelings (:
YAY!


i love everyone.
goodnight (:

SHANGHAI PHOTOS! ok. obviously i can't upload all. there's more than 600 photos in my laptop. -.- well, im trying to upload everything into imagestation. its taking plenty of time, uploading my 180th picture now. haha. so wait patiently (: once i uploaded everything, then i'll put the link up.

today i had my project consultation. im glad now that i can just focus on the "one-child policy" (:

whoohoo. i've been having very random mood swings. i don't know lah. i think friday i'll stop hanging out with the tv03 people. yes, they are nice, they are funny. but i always get a really weird feeling out with them. i mean, seriously, we are from 2 different world. they club and everything. but i don't. the things they talk bout, are stuff i know nuts about.

sigh. but i like them. really.

nvm. perhaps im really tired. i haven't had enough sleep since i left for shanghai. and i feel like im falling. tired tired tired!

but im still not sleeping. stupid me. ):

i miss jeffrey. i just sent my phone in for re-servicing. so i can't sms him. ): bad! sigh.

loveloves.

my laziness to blog bout shanghai & suzhou; Forgive me.'

so, my day back at Singapore was really great. came back, unpacked. and headed for church. darling came to fetched me. felt really good to see him again! (:

i dozed off during sermon quite a few times. in the last 30 mins, i couldn't take it, i went to the toilet and asked ina to accompany me. we chatted outside for awhile. and when we went back to the hall, sermon was just wrapping up. haha. i tell you. im so guilty. and i fell asleep during cellgroup. im sorry CL. ):

yah. i was simply so tired after the nights of not sleeping. haha.
and tonight is another night with no sleep. because. i've to prepare my stuff for project consultation. but im really glad i completed the camp stuff. a great load off my mind (:
haha.
loves.

i better start getting on with my work. so much stuff to do. so many articles to look for and read up on. God bless me. and my love ones. (:

i miss tvo3 - one big family ((: seeya on friday! btw, alex is driving us around in his van. so hurray!

shanghai & suzhou - global citizenship

im really glad im back in Singapore. it has been a rather hectic 6 days 5 nights for me. lol.
i shall blog bout the first day first. because i got time constraint.

i reached shanghai at 6am. and it was bright there. the sky brightens at 5am + . really early morning. went to eat breakfast. it was totally totally horrible. the congee, the salted&preserved veggies, the burnt soy milk. SIGH. i thought i was ill-treated ):

after the not-so-fantastic breakfast, we went to take the maglev train. HOHO! the train was fast. but i fell asleep in the train. because i was sick with a flu. the first day, i almost collapse ):
SIGH. sad.

after the train ride, we took a long bus ride to suzhou. i slept a lot. and i truely felt better. hah. we ended up in Zhujiajiao water village. i'll post the pictures up soon. the weather was freezing cold, but the boat ride was supreme! HOHO,

followed on, we went to this garden. i don't know what is really nice bout it. just plants, trees, ponds. whatever -.- hahaa.
then dinner. then check in, tutorials. the day ended.
the day passed REALLY SLOW i tell you.
and its only the first day, and i wanted to come home badly ):
gotta go. jeffrey is prolly reaching my place. im going church

oh yah. i came back this morning at 525am. and im going church now. hahaha. (:
GIFTS.
and i forgot chin's present. HELP ME.

temporary closure of blog.

i am going through a very rough patch of life now. but i can't tell anyone anymore. all i can say is, friends, keep me in prayer. that God will really deal with me and heal me.

im dying inside. really. i need to go. have a break.
love all of you.

God bless.

when facing difficulties, what do you do?

yesterday, because of frustration. i cried for no reason. i prayed and prayed. and God revealed certain things to me. i came to a realization bout myself, my behavior.
and i continue to pray, that i'll continue this journey of healing.
its quite hard to be patient when you want certain thing badly.
but God says, wait.

as i continued to pray on, my heart was moved. and im thankful for yesterday night.
really thankful.









meeting the girls later. (: i'll have fun!
eating my lunch now. seeya!

i really really love you (:

haha. corny title. but i love.
haha. i've to go work in 45 mins. -.- a very long journey there.
bleah. somehow, im crossing my fingers that he will give me a surprise visit. but there's a voice at the back of the head telling me he won't . >.<
haha. i really wish he wld come and look for me after work. but he has work tmr. so its okay. (: haha.

anyway. im flying in 4 days time! whoohoo. but tonight i've lots of things to do. just read 6 of the gc email. -.- there are lots to prepare for tmr's consultation. like hey, i didn't know it was graded ! bleah. looks like tonight i've to drink some coffee and start researching.
hmmm.

i am contemplating whether i want to bring my laptop along with me to shanghai. a really tough decision. haha. scared i might lose it. someone might steal it. its so not safe. howhow?
btw, i found out that im in the same room as yi yuan i think. i miss yingjie. i want yingjie. not that i don't like yiyuan. but she's so quiet. besides, she has a boyfriend in GC too. and she'll be running to him all the time. then i'll be left so lonely in the room. BAH.
ok fine. i'll go look for qianhui&yingjie & a few others.

bleah! -.- i miss jeffrey aw. ):
whatever.
gotta go.
loveloves.

i kind of love this picture. haha. i love jeffrey (:

hmm. today i went out with ina. supposed to go get the jab. but i think qiqi is too lazy. sigh.
i'll go after i come back from shanghai. crosses my finger. hahas.
went to grab a few things from TM. to get rdy for my trip to shanghai. (:
happy.

haha. then headed to church. met jeffrey for dinner. then had meeting. meeting was good i guess. the games seem fun and stuff. haha.

i did quiet time today. today i was telling ina bout a lot of stuff that i didn't tell anyone at all for bout 2 months plus. bout my spiritual walk with God and a lot of stuff la. i think i almost teared out of frustrations that i was going through. the disappointment in myself and my actions. yea. but i made a personal promise to God and myself. that i won't _____ anymore. (fill in the blank yourself)
yea. and i had a fruitful QT today. tmr morning i'll do QT ! i'll do QT!!

i think i had a good day today (: especially i get to meet my bf. though its work. haha.
and tmr another day at work. but that's at 7pm. hoho.
i'll play sims2 for the whole day. or be a nice girl and help do the housework. but i a bit lazy leh. howhow? haha
-.-

okok. gotta go.
loves.

p.s emily & annette : i can't take leave on friday. so won't be able to meet. we can meet on sunday for dinner before i fly off. will be at the airport at 8pm. really sorry bout friday. you 2 go ahead w/o me. or come gelare look for me ? haha. (((:
loves.

im starting work in 2 and a 1/2 hours.
working at eastcoast park gelare. qianhui introduced me the job.
i thank God i found a part-time job. better get some money in. and start buying my chinese books to study.

NIE. my goal to enter there as a chinese teacher. but, i heard that its quite hard to get in the interview and entrance exam leh! pray hard. although its 1 year more to go. but have to start preparing for the exam already.

haha. sims 2 is so fun. fun. fun! created a family of my own. haha. -.-
ok. thanks to emily who introduced me the game.
i think its a short entry.
im tired.
byeeee.

pray that my job will be smooth sailing. may God be with me through out ! (:
loves.

an awesome day out with the girls

i had an enjoyable day. apart from the travelling here and there.
went to update my passport photo, took a photo at bedok. paid a horrible 6 bucks for nothing. because i didn't know passport photos cannot have your eyebrows covered. so i had to take another shot for 5 bucks at the passport place.
11 bucks wasted just like that. ):

that's really bad. but i had a great time catching up with ina. met at 11am. then ina was busily explaining to me bout "qi pu lu" haha. im going there in 9 days time! shanghai!! WHEEE.
anyway, i took 5 trains today. SIGH. from pasir ris to bedok. from bedok to lavender. from lavender to jurong east. from jurong east to orchard. from orchard to yio chu kang. my ezlink card has no balance anymore. gosh. hur.

anyway after meeting ina, i went to yio chu kang to meet emily, took a long bus ride down to whitesands. chat a lil here&there. then waited for annette. i guess all three of us always have endless conversations. which is good. tmr the girls are coming over my place. annette&i are supposed to teach emily ado.NET and some website stuff.

so another day will be spent with them. well i enjoy their company a lot. (: i thank God.
haha.
tmr is tony anthony event. i expect a fantastic service tmr. whoohoo (((:

okay. blog till here. will post photos once emily uploads them.
loveloves.

HAPPINESS. DO YOU HAVE IT?

do you have it? i think happiness is a very broad term. what is the true definition of happiness?

looked up the dictionary. and there were 2 explanations.

1. the quality or state of being happy.
2. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

so what's being happy? you can be happy, yet feel lonely at the same time. you can be happy yet feel that smth is missing.

to me, happiness is when i can stop getting hurt, when i can laugh from the bottom of my heart all day. happiness is when i see no more corruption in the world. happiness is when everyone is happy. that's my happiness. happiness is when im able to spend my entire life with him.

so what is yours?

i hate to see people telling me that life is meaningless (though i say that sometimes, but soon i came to a realization that its not meaningless, everyone has a purpose in life). i hate people to have suicidal thoughts. i hate to see people criticize bout everything they can. about people's dressing, the way they look. yes laughing is prolly an enjoyment to you. but its just wrong.

but i've no right to go interfere in anyone's personal life.

i hope happiness will come my way soon. no doubt, i do feel happy. but my definition of happiness must be a long-term happiness. i want true happiness, not happiness on the surface.

i hope all of you will get your true happiness someday, somehow. God bless.

OK. yesterday i had a so-so day. but i came home glad. glad i told you why. glad that i didn't keep it in myself again. its not the things that comes before me that annoys me. i just want to see a happy jeffrey everytime i see you. i want to see the jeffrey i went out with during our first date. that's my desire. it doesn't matter if we don't meet often, as long as each time i see you, i can see you happy. you being happy is the most important thing to me.

i cannot explain the kind of joy i've now. indescribable.

oh well.

today im going to meet girlfriends ! hmm, im meeting ina at 11am. to go change my passport photo, and have a chat with her, then i'll be going TM to meet annette&emily at 7pm. (: whoohoo. a great day with the girlfriends. anyway its good that i plan to meet the girlfriends on friday. because jeffrey is busy with worship practice. -.-

hmmm. hope we'll all have fun today. though i've a lack of funds. AIYA. haha. i overspent. and i don't know how. -.- haha. i can't remember how i overspent. -.- stupid.

nvm.

and and 9 more days before i leave for shanghai! whooohooo. hope i can get to bunk in with yingjie or clar. (: my two hopes. i think chances to bunk in with clar, is abit far ar. though we same coach, but not in the same class. yingjie still got greater chance because she's in the same group, same class. haha.

but then again yingjie and i are of the same race. -.- so they might split us up. BLEAH.

haha. but i love tv03 as well as the orphanage comm (: wheeees.

next week im so free. anyone want to date me out? lols. its kinda sian to stay at home always. haha. nvm, i can start packing my luggage (:

loveloves
gotta go. what a long entry today.

hmmmmm.

loves (:

ok. i took this from clar's blog. i think my eyes look funny in this picture. but i just wanted you all to see clar. because i think she's really pretty. REALLY. ((((:

Do you love me? do you?
if the answer is a true yes , deep from within your heart. then i shall set my mind. and not have any fear in my heart anymore.
if the answer is a true yes, deep from within your heart, then i shall open up my heart for you.
if the answer is a true yes, then don't leave me anymore.
if the answer is a true yes, let me trust you with all of my heart.
if the answer is a true yes, i'll stay by you inregardless of how long i've to wait.
if the answer is a true yes, i'll stay by you with no complains.
if the answer is a true yes, i'll be myself. and i'll no longer live up to the standard you've set aside for me.

But,
what if the answer is "i don't know" or "no"
what will happen to me?
how will i ever pick myself up again?
i've grown too deeply in love with you. i know myself, that i cannot live w/o you anymore.
are we moving on too fast? are we pretending too much that we're happy? when will we stop pretending. we know there's smth wrong.

please i pray, let the answer be a yes. a true yes from deep within. no more pretense.
we shall no longer keep a false front infront of each other.
no longer. just be ourselves. for who we are. that's all i want to say.

i love you.

im very tired recently.
after complaining im sleeping too much.
why can't days just be normal for me?
i guess tireness is really accumulative. but hey. im looking forward. because im going to shanghai. although i have tutorials every night. but i guess, this trip will be a good refreshing one for me.

i kinda am getting to love the orphanage comm. yesterday we went out for a meeting. and then went to buy some gifts for the kids. and a bunch of us went to the arcade. really funny. clar was really high. -.- and while we were playing, glenn came over and said, "Ask you all come do work, you all play arcade!" then he started playng also.
lame lah.

hmm. today went back to school. pack the goodie bags. now waiting for qianhui's stuff toy to arrive.

okay. yesterday i was rather unhappy. but then i kept telling myself this, i must be happy. so i pushed back all the unhappiness. i think God really gave me strength, and peace. this morning i was still feeling awful. because i had a bad stomachache. plus a headache. and yet i've to go back to school. but then seeing the people at school lifted up my spirits alot.
(:

okay. im gonna stop blogging.
loveloves.

i thought i might just want to post about something that i really want to give thanks for.

recently, i've been feeling very blessed. by the fact that i actually have good friends around with me.

for instance, after i graduated from sec school, i never thought annette &emily & i would still meet. i always thought once i graduated, i prolly won't be close to them. and that when they go out, they will not call me along.
but then, im amazed. i now finally agree that secondary school friends last the longest. i finally agree on that statement in my eighteenth year of life. how fantastic right? lols.
and the things we girlfriends talk about is forever entertaining. lots of joy, and some sorrow too. but we share with each other. we lament, we rant all we want.
when the night comes, and we've to return home, we wish we didn't have to leave.
i give thanks for this special friendship between three of us. indeed im blessed.

the next person on the list is ina. well, who said that poly friends come and go and does not stay. well. ina has been faithfully with me as a friend. a friend who i can confide in. a friend that i can trust. although she really annoys me when she is lazy. haha. and i think she also get annoys with me at plenty of moments, when i am grouchy and all. hurray ina! (: i love you.
ina is my A&C partner. (btw, shen rae also in our A&C group. hehe)

then there is aaron and chin. when i need a listening ear, chin is around. im really happy. and all. really.
and my choir members, esther and joanne. they are nice adults whom i can really talk to. really nice people.

of course the most important person will be jeffrey. he may not have all the time in the world with me. but love overcomes all. he's the first person ive ever fallen in love so deeply with.
he's the first person that can make me feel loved all over again and again each time we meet. he's the one that i can share things with at certain time. im amazed at this r/s God has blessed me with.

Father, i give thanks for the amazing people you have blessed me with. these friends who will walk through thick and thin with me. and i pray that you will bless all of them. annette, emily, ina, chin, aaron, esther, joanne, jeffrey. bless them with good health, with happiness, in everything they do. i pray all these in your name, Amen.