counting down: 8 days more to my 19th birthday (:

i'm back to blog!
(though i just blogged a few days ago)

i'm at work nua-ing now.
because i find it so hard to concentrate and do what i'm supposed to do!
sigh.

birthday is coming. & i feel like. huh! so fast, i want to continue being eighteen.
haha. weird huh.
spent the last 1/2 an hour thinking bout jeff's birthday instead.
how to plan, what to do.
and been searching for ideas on the internet. but nothing special.
being me, i always like very special & unique things.
so i guess i gotta crack my head a lil.
haha.


i'm so sleepy now. think i'm gonna sleep during my lunch hours
i'm feeling very fat recently.
so today after work i shall straight away head for home.
change to my exercising outfit, do my warm ups and go for a long jog!
i need to shed off the extra oil in me.
so frustrating & annoying to feel FAT!
):


cbtl is just a few days away. (:
i'm glad.

haha.
loves.

contentment leads to feeling blessed (:

i think the most important factor to have in order to feel really blessed irregardless of what, is Contentment.



to be content with whatever you have, be it money, family, relationship, career or any other thing, then you'll feel blessed.

after contentment, comes no comparision.

you cannot compare yourself to any other people.

because once you start comparing, you can never stop comparing and it'll only make yourself feel more lousy.



i admit i haven't been placing the latter factor in my life.

i've been always comparing. always envying the people around me.

why is it they can have this, they can have that without doing anything at all! but yet, i slog my way out so much, yet i do not have any of these blessings that they had received.



& when evelyn shared during cellgroup, in my heart i was thinking, oh man. i feel like the one who have not received much blessings at all!



but then, i rebuked myself. because i know its not true at all.

i may not have a perfect family(though i know nothing is perfect except God), i may not had the perfect environment with loving parents to grow up in, i may not have perfect grades, i may not have the bestest friends around. but i'm so blessed!



because for the fact i can live till this day and smile, it means God has still been blessing me.

if God had not blessed me, i would be dead and somewhere in hell i guess.

so i give thanks!



recently, i have drifted apart from many people including ina.

i still do not know what value do i have to two of these many people.

& i've been feeling really sore about it.

and i can only entrust it all to God.

if its' because i always go to church, if its' because i'm always busy with activities in church that i can't meet up with my friends, i rather it stay that way.

because if it's all for God, its' all worthwhile.



Lord, help me please.

i'm struggling with this issue.

because i love them as my friends.

but it hurts.

it hurts to be just forgotten, neglected.

as if i never meant anything.

i commit all these hurts to you.

amen.



i led worship in cg for the first time on Sunday.

and i made PLENTY of mistakes.

i was so embarassed.

i felt so lousy. and still feel lousy

bleah.





i'm finishing work in an exact 59 minutes.

and i'm jumping for joy.

time passed fast with all the loads of work dumped on me

hahaa.

LOVES





meeting polar later.

wheees. 7 days in a row.

i have never met him for 7 days in a row

see? i'm BLESSED (:

Serving

1 Peter 4:10

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.



this verse was shown to me by God plenty of times through the span of two weeks.

it has been haunting me again & again.

the decision to serve in YC media team.

the decision to commit myself 2 times a month for choir.

the decision of community youth cg.



hmm.

i don't know what the Lord is trying to tell me.

but i pray He'll reveal his purpose to me as i seek him.



i can practically shout in my head, and tell God, Yes Father, i know i know! i must serve according to my gifts.

and when this verse comes out again and again.

i have this feeling that i don't have the gift of singing. so i shouldn't be in choir!

):





what's wrong qiqi ?





BLEAH.





-back to work-

attachment :\

i haven't blogged for so so long.
have been busy with plenty of things!
like.. Erh, attachment? haha.

my week is passing like a rocket.
time just flieeees.
& i've been playing with facebook so much.
that choon meng ask me whether i'm on facebook 24/7
haha. that was so so funny!
like seriously.

ok, so how's attachment?
haha.
hmm.
on the first day i slacked.
on the second day i slacked somemore.
on the third day?
hahaaa. DOCUMENTATION!!!
from 8.30am - 5pm
whoa.
it was a torture to do documentation on this part of the web application.
i had to read the coding & understand!
and document all the sequence in words!
then finally at 5pm,
i was briefed about my next new project.
building a web app from scratch.
and i was given 3 thick books to read.
my supervisor say in 1 month (till now, i'm not whether he's joking yet. )
boohoo.

ok. so today i'll study the book 1. on Microsoft InfoPath (i've never heard of this software at all)
seriously.

i'm quite joyful this two weeks. maybe the word of God is really creating joy in me.
haha.
ok. i said enough about attachment already (:


oh in case u didn't know where i'm working at, i'm working at Singapore Academy of Law at Supreme Court (:
sounds formal right?
but i wear superly casual here.
haha.


and last thing before i stop blogging,
i miss boyfriend very very much.
he's been so troubled recently, and i can only continue praying for him.
mister boyfriend, please smile (:


love everyone.

blessed week of joy

ohmy.
haven't updated for very very long. (ok. not very long)

haha.
monday, bf took leave.
he brought me to the zoo.
somewhere that i've been wanting to go for the past few years.
but no one ever really wanted to go with me.
& him being the 1st that is willing to go with me, i'm so touched, so blessed.

he picked me up on monday, & we headed to his mom's canteen.
i didn't know that we were going to the zoo yet.
he said its a surprise. haha.
so we ate at his mom's canteen.
then we headed towards hougang, then SLE.
then i had a fun time trying to figure out the possibilities SLE will lead us to.
and i figured out the zoo.
i'm SMART (:
haha.

anyway on the highway. he told me his bike exhaust pipe just spit out fire.
i was so so amazed.
i secretly thought that his tyre punctured when he stopped cause of the loud sound i heard.
hahhaa.
ok. i wished i saw the fire but i didn't.

so we reached the zoo (:
and i was really excited. really really excited.
haha. i was smiling like mad to myself on the way there.
although the weather was like about to rain.
but i still love it.

took plenty of photos. visited a lot of animals.
and it was really a fruitful trip.
i love the polar bear too. though he seemed so bored.
but oh well (:
haha. so i had a super duper fruitful trip. really really happy.

i want to upload photos. but i waiting for dear to pass me the pictures.
so prolly next week. i'm getting the hard disk on Sunday.

hmm.
so tuesday, i went back to school for SIP briefing.
i got my attachment already!

Singapore Academy of Law.
sound so formal right? haha.
but i know God will bless me there.

recently i've been praying for a non-christian friend as a partner for my attachment.
so that i'll have a chance to share the gospel. (:
so continue praying for me.

hmm.
wednesday, was a day that didn't started well, but ended off a lil well i guess.
went out with dear again.
went to catch a movie.
then went home eat dinner. & we had bible study together with his sisters.
i see his sister growing in christ. & i'm happy.
(:

like really joyful. haha.
anyway.
i'm going to meet Lynette later.
hope i can have a fruitful time later with her (:

blessed love everyone (:

an unexpected date

today, i received a few surprise SMSes from jeffrey.

haha.

him: Dear, morning! how are you feeling?

me: i'm feeling so much better that i can go out and play!

him: Power! where you wanna go?

me: i have nothing on today. meeting annette & emily in the evening.

him: Lets go Sentosa now?

me: HUH?

him: Hey, or u wan go other place?

me: I think to go pay phone bill.

him: At where? what time you ready?

i immediately dialled his number, not knowing that he's not at work. still rather blur.

then after talking on the phone, i realized he took leave to accompany me because he thought i was still sick! but he didn't expect me to be so energetic.

so i asked him to bring me out. i can't stand being at home anymore! hahaha.

so he came to fetch me, and we went out. hohoho!

went to his mom's canteen to have his lunch.

then we headed to penisular plaza to buy skinnys/jeans.

i bought black skinnys for 20 bucks for choir.

and he bought jeans because he has to wear it for cbtl too. -.-

50 bucks altogether. cheap & really worth it!

haha. then we walked to Raffles city, then to citylink, marina square.

did a lil of shopping & a lot of chatting.

found my orange top for cbtl in Mango. really thank God. at an affordable price of 35 dollars.

i couldn't find an orange top for really long. & i was just randomly telling God, please provide an orange top! and then, i walk into Mango, i found plenty! haha. God is awesome!

really.

so after that, i treated him to Spageddies. its really good there.

haha. its my joy to treat my boyfriend. i hardly have any opportunity to do so.

and i know he enjoyed himself a lot too.

we haven't shopped before together despite being together for 13 whole months already.

& we seldom get to come out together like early in the morning till night that kind of thing.

but today we did!

haha. so today has been really really fantastic.

accompanied him to church. he had backup singing practice. i stayed in the office waiting for him until 10pm plus. but i never complained. it was all worthwhile!

and i chatted with lynette for awhile through msn.

really miss talking to her.

and i'm meeting her on thursday!

haha.

loveloves.

i'm meeting shalom later. & ina.

she's giving me a treat.

please pray i don't spend anymore.

i'm trying to save for an even more greater use.

God bless everyone.

lots of loves (:

Happy 13th Month on Monday. 8 Oct 2007

(outdated post)
happy 13 month, my love.

ended work early because i was sneezing away.
disliked the flu.
so i wanted to go home & rest, and ask jeffrey to come fetch me from home,
instead of going to church office to meet him.
but then when i was in the mrt train, i just somehow decided to go church instead of home.
so i alighted at bedok.
and i found myself slowly walking to church when i could take a bus instead.
my handphone batt was down. i couldn't contact him too.
but i decided to just go.

was really crazy.
because i don't know how i made the decision to alight at bedok.
haha. i was really amused at myself.

so i reached church office at 5pm i think.
he wasn't in. so i looked for jessica instead.
she prayed for me, then jeff came back.
haha.

so just read my story book while waiting for him.
anyway,
after he officially knocked off, we went to the hk cafe at east coast park again.
that was where we celebrated our 10th month too! (:
haha. really funny.

it started drizzling when we just turn out from marine parade area to east coast park.
hmmm. then as we reached, it got heavier ):
he was drenched.
i felt so sad with the rain. because he was wearing the shirt i just bought for him. & i didn't want him to fall sick wearing that wet piece of shirt in air-con.
so while he was washing up, i just said a short prayer.
and thank God, i know he's not ill.
but the thing is. i am. -.-

looking back, i'm asking myself now "why didn't i pray for myself too?"
so weird.
haha. -.-
but i'm really appreciating the time i have now to rest at home.
where i can really catch up on a lot of sleep.
and also, spending time with God.
(:

i will wait till he pass me the photos, then i'll upload it here.
but i really enjoyed myself.
although i wasn't feeling well at all.
but i just felt so protected.
and well cared for.
especially when he just gave me his raincoat to wear, on the way home, so that it would keep me warm. and i just appreciate it so so much.

one year & one month already.
everything seem to be progressing so fast that i haven't caught my breathe.
he's going in to army this dec 6.
but then the most amazing thing is, i thought i would be sad & everything, but things didn't turn out that way.
for our future sake, faster go in, faster come out. haha.
while i'll be taking my degree, he'll be in ns.
(: whoohoo.

& God has been so gracious to me. he gave me a total of 5 months + to spend with you. so that we can continue building our r/s. that when you go in, our love would be strong to withstand.
i'm so amazed at God's perfect timing always.
it just creates the joy in me.
the Lord is our everlasting God. (:
AMEN!

haha.
so joyful qiqi.
i'll get well soon, by God's grace (:


loves.

):

i have been sick for more than 10 days already.

& still counting.

pray that i'll be alright.

i have officially finish work.

last day of work supposed to be on thursday.

but because i can't recover.

i can't go back to work.

a total loss of $56 X 3 =$168

that's like a lot.

):

anyway today is payday also.

but not really sure whether the money is in yet.

i miss boyfriend alot.

especially when i'm all down. sick & all.

anyway the uploads of photos from Dorcas place.

the stew that ate dorcas made. really taste good (:

pebbles or chocolate, you decide.

christmas tree that we put up.
i thought it was really too early to put up christmas tree. but ate said, in philippines, they start putting up christmas tree in september.

i love that toy on top of the tree. i place it there.
i call it smiley and ate dorcas said she calls it chechi -.-
but anyway it has a good view from the top.

loves.

bored at work

there's nothing for me to do now at work.
the data entry people are in a meeting.
waiting for tasks to be passed down to me
but apparently no one has any tasks on hand for me to do.

so i blog.
today a few management people coming down to office.
they told me to be more alert. because i always seem to be dreaming.

happy 13th month, jeffrey. (:
i love you so much more.

had a good time yesterday at choir.
beginning to grasp the alto parts even better than before.
then dinner with jeff & his parents was even better.
appreciate it so much.

haha.
ok. better stop blogging.
though i've nothing to do. i shudn't do other stuff.

love

counting down; 6 days of work left.

i feel joyful today
haha.
did hq before i came out of the house.
i guess its always good to hear from God early in the morning!

i spent my night after work at ate Dorcas's place.
she whipped up a fantastic dinner.
we put up the christmas tree.
and we chatted alot.

jeff came to join us, followed by Joanne.
(:
lovely.

so i really enjoyed myself.
jeffrey finally understand why i always love Dorcas place.
the food is GOOD.
like really good.
took a few photos of the christmas tree and dinner of course.
but can't upload now.
i'm at work!

hope work ends fast today.
loves

exhausted at work.

i slept about 6 hours.
which isn't doing me any good.
because i'm still sick trying to recover.
but without rest.
boohoo.

at work now.
struggling to keep my eyes wide open.

yesterday i met up with Lynette after work.
had a good time chatting at coffee club.
though for one hour only.
but on Saturday, there's more to come.
been so long since we really catch up with each other.
& we've the whole Sat out together. (:

then headed home.
and dear called me out for a movie.
we went to see Liting with a few SHALOMs.
said happy birthday.

then headed to watch chuck & larry.
i can say it isn't my type of show at all.
but then, the company is the most important.
besides haven't really been out dating with jeffrey for so very long.
haha.

so i really enjoyed myself though i knew i had to sacrifice sleep.
this is what i call love.
haha.

tonight, i'm meeting up with ate Dorcas.
which is good. (:
i need to talk to someone.
& God loves everyone


p.s i'm still not feeling well. & i think its gonna take a while to recover. i'm left with 7 days of work. so pray that i'll make it through.
thankyou

another day of leave.

took another day of leave.
in order to really rest. but i'm more of watching tv.
not really sleeping resting.
hmm.
cancelled my meeting with sarah & jingying.
sad.

yesterday i had choir rehearsal for cbtl.
fun with all the parts.

there's one thing i've been struggling with for many many weeks.
i don't know how to describe that feeling.
sigh.
i think i might lose it. because of my annoyance & arrogance.
but 90% of my mind & heart tells me that i don't care.
i don't understand why i'm like that.

sigh.
forget it.
God deal with me please.

sick, sick, still sick

it all started on a friday
when heart was beating terribly fast.
breathing difficulties.
dizzy spells.
being thirsty all the time.
couldn't stand properly..

hmm.
slowly, fever came.
bad sore throat with phlegms the color of red & green. (gross right?)
then sleeping difficulties.

the best part of the whole story.
i've been out running & not resting.
haha. ok i haven't really RUN.
but i just simply went to church & so on.
heh.

there are two small lil lumps on my throat which can be felt by placing ur fingers on my right side neck. thank God it isn't as big as the previous 2 times.
so i don't think i'll see a doctor.
unless i keep having on/off fever.
which is what i'm experiencing now -.-
i'm still not sure whether i can return to work tmr.
hopefully i can.
i've a hard time accounting to my supervisor. why i need so many days leave.
hmm.


& it's 9.40am now. waiting for jeffrey aw to come pick me up. haha.
stomach growling.
haven't been eating much yesterday.
less than 1/2 a bowl of yong tau foo. with 2 spoons of rice
and 1/2 a bowl of porridge.
am i going to lose weight like this?
if yes, hurray.

but i think my appetite will be bigger today
there's cbtl choir rehearsal later.
hurrays.
hope i can sing despite my throat infection.

lots of love everyone (:

trust.

back from dinner with emily.
typed the previous post in a rush.

i'm having a fever now.
terrible sorethroat too.
jus painted my nails gold and black.
rock! thanks emily for paying for the gold nail polish.
haha.

waiting for my nails to dry so i blog.

i was just thinking through everything; reconsidering every single lil detail.
i know i shouldn't be posting things here.
but i can't help it.
i'm too feverish to go write in my other diary.
& there are things i need to further sort out by typing it out.

trust. its very important in a r/s.
when you can't trust. ur r/s go haywire.
from the start till now.
i've always trusted him. trusted him that he'll protect me.
trusted him, that he'll love me always.
trusted him that no matter what difficulty i or we go through, we'll walk together.
and till now, i still trust him.

i asked myself this.
in the beginning, when you know that this r/s is gonna be a tough one.
not enough time to spend with each other.
yet you were able to accept him for who he really is.
and commit yourself into this r/s.
why can't i now not?
i always say. do what you need to do.
do what you have to do.
but am i really being supportive this way?
or am i trying to avoid the issue.
or am i just puting on a brave front. but tearing at the back.

people always say we seem like a perfect couple.
but i know that's not the case.
there's no such thing as a perfect couple in the world.

but all i want to do right now.
is to be really supportive by your side.
even when you'll be busy.
even when you'll not have time for me.
i want to support you in whatever decision you make or will make in the near future.

blog again later.
suffering from another attack of the stomachache.


ok back.
what i really want to say is that.
i want to be a supportive girlfriend in whatever you do.
even if it means we don't have time to spent with each other.
even if it means that i've to follow you around to places i do not like.
for you, i'm willing to do anything.

and i end off with,

i love you, jeffrey aw.


goodnights.

break me, break me & break me

i've asked God to break me in so many areas of my life so that i may live a victorious & righteous life for Him.
and before i know it.
things are starting to dive down for me.
the areas which i prayed for, are slowly seeping into my life..

things are making me change drastically.
i'm really struggling to keep myself joyfull despite of all.


cover me with your wings.
let me trust you only.
let me rely on you only.
be my refuge & strength to walk this journey
i feel like i'm walking alone.
but i know you've not forsaken me.
Lord, break me if you must. but i know that all these will not be things that
i cannot overcome. i know i can do it.

please strengthen me.




fly if you need to fly.
do the things you need to do.
don't worry about me.
because God will watch over me.

i'm missing him

hmmm.
changed my blog design.
(:
and very satisfied. made use of blogger template.
going for simplicity now.

today i took leave.
stayed at home the entire day.
dear is off at feli's grad.
it's supposed to be our date today.
sigh.

hmm.
i feel a little sad. but nevermind (:


this part is for emily.
don't think anymore bout what has happened.
because you can't change anything by thinking.
i know it is easy to say.
BUT
and we'll always stay by your side always. and support you. (:
so jiayou! and smile always.
but when you need to talk, i'm just a ring away.


hungry. off to look for food.
loves.

im blogging at work again.
sigh.

i'm falling sick. better drink lots of water.
throat is hurting. starting to cough. block nose. etc.
just woke up from afternoon nap (:

my lunch was horrible.
my lunchbox; veggie was sour. the food turn spoiled.
so i didn't really eat alot. but nevertheless, full.

dinner out with jessica was good. though i wanted to pay. she didn't let me.
(: but it was really nice of her.
went to shop around century sq 2nd lvl. quite a few nice looking tops that i would like to buy
but the price is like 30 bucks for one piece of t-shirt.
super no thanks man!

anyway, think i better stop slacking.
because its 20 mins past my end of lunch break already.
hoho.

loves.

back from a great family dinner.
sundays are always the best spent day. (:

ok.
updates from the last few days.
hmm.
i met emily & annette on friday.
went to marina sq. i only met them for a few hrs. & i had to leave and meet jeff.
i could say my day ended off alright. because i begged jesus to make everything end off well.
i remember the tears that kept rolling down my cheeks.
the fear in my heart that kept overwhelming me that i could not breathe.
the number of times, i kept blaming myself for not being careful with the things i say, the things i do.
but like what he said, love overcomes all multitude of sin.
thankyou Jesus that everything still managed to end off peacefully before we say goodbye and return home.

and i'm greatly assured that he still loves me. and of course i still love him.
haha.

hmm.
i think i have to blog again another time. its getting late. and i've to transfer files for cbtl to my mp3 and hp. heee.
so till then (:

loves

finally the upload of pictures. (:
took me so long to do that.
was simply lazy.
anyway there are really much more. but i'm very very lazy.

anyway. happy birthday nana! i did this picture consolidation for you. this picture has a hidden meaning behind it. you're the main star. and around you are your family members. jeff&i, huisa & James, your father & mother, your father, you & Joyce.
we all love you very very much (:
so grow up well !
may God bless your life with so much more.
loveyou loveyou loveyou!

taken on the same day. but this time with my love. haha. he's very amazing. nothing can describe how bliss i'm feeling now just by looking at these pictures.

pictures of polar & smiley. super cute.
sitting so romantic-ly on my bed. hee.

ok. that's all loves.

wednesday.
i've been pretty much alone for 3 days.
working has turned me into a loner.
lols.

its really so funny.
everyday at work. i pack brochures.
during lunch. i eat alone. i surf blogs. i blog. i sleep. i do my qt.
and when its time to go home.
i pack my stuff, leave the office. head to the mrt station and return home.
on the train i would look up in the sky, at the clouds to admire God's creation.
then i would silently talk to him. telling him how i feel.
what my plans are.
i know he knows it all already. but i just feel like telling someone.

and then when i reach home, i wash up. i lie on my bed with my laptop on my stomach
and then i surf the net.
and then once its 9pm. i go to bed.
(i reach home at 7pm)

lol.
see how boring my daily routine is?
BLEAH. -.-
i'm anticipating Friday. where my honey bear is finally free for a date with me.
and also i'm meeting the girlfriends in the day i guess.
haha.
so, i'm really excited!

sometimes, i feel totally redundant in this world.
i often feel like "it doesn't matter whether i exist or not. Because no one notices, even if i were to disappear, nobody would care"
its a negative feeling right?
entrust it all to Jesus, my Savior.

Through this period of time, where time is spent in solitude, i began to really seek Him.
reading His words everyday just brings peace & joy in me.
so thank God for that!

hmm.
Ate Badette emailed me today to ask how am i. haha.
i was quite touched by her email.
so i just replied her. and i'm anticipating her reply.

you know what, today as i was doing qt.
i realized that most of the time, when i need someone to talk to,
there's always no one around.
because everyone's busy.
but then when i ask God to provide me with someone.
He never did.
i finally understand why.
because i prayed and told him to help me trust him, rely on him only & not on man.
so i guess God really is teaching me how to seek him first and not others.
Thank you Jesus (:

Lord,
i surrender every part of me into your hands.
keep me in the light.
that even if in darkness, light will still shine somewhere.
i pray that the past would no longer be a stumbling stone in my life.
i pray that i'll look towards the future.
and i'll continue to seek you in whatever circumstances i'm facing.
Lord i thankyou for the wondrous works you've been doing in my life.
i know that i am unworthy because of my sins.
but i also want to thankyou for your love and forgiveness of my sins.
thankyou so much.
i've found your purpose in my life.
and Lord, i want to work towards this purpose.
i want to stand up strong and glorify your name.
Oh Jesus, let me sing a sweet song for you always & always.
Amen.



left with 5 mins before lunch break is over.
God bless me.
hope time pass fast!

love everyone (: