im hurting out of anger. out of distress.
i don't know. so much stuff that i can never say here. but keep in me.
whole heart is about to burst. burst out of anger.
much anger raging in me.

sigh no one will know how i feel now. because its frustrating.
go. leave me alone.

everyone.
telling myself that God is with me. doesn't seem to work. Just where are You?
sigh.

tired.
bye

Gracious Father, i pray that tonight even without sleep i'll be able to complete my work with alertness and to do my best for everything. Father, i pray my communication skills presentation slides and speech draft will be done nicely. and tmr's rehearsal for presentation will be good. I pray that i'll be able to prepare for my UIR presentation though i really dislike that module. and i also would like to pray for my CSAD assignment. that i may do well for it. especially when i am really stuck now. Father, i pray that you bless me with wisdom and understanding as i face this three things that i must do tonight. thankyou Jesus. Amen.

nice to start my post with a prayer isn't it? (((:

i went swimming today! with ina. hahas. it was so so nice and fun. (((:

next wed is badminton. SEAN; if you wanna jog please sms me. i will come too. ina and i are kind determined to shed off the excess fats on us. get what we mean? we'll dedicate our weds to sports. hahas. maybe during hols, we can meet up often to do some sports.

i deposited money into my bank today. feeling richer recently. hahas.

i miss boyfriend very very much. i had a great day out with him yesterday. i mean after so long, we never really go out. so we went IMM to do my shopping yesterday. the ESPIRIT outlet is good. and cheap too. got my clothes there. kinda have the desire to wear the clothes out immediately. but NO.. its for newyear.

i love the shoes he bought for me. i wanted to pay for it myself. but he insisted. and since he never really bought me a present, i relented. haha. so; the shoes, happen to be my valentine's persent.

haha. and since he NEVER reads my blog, it is okay to post it here. FOR valentine 2007, my 5th month with Jeffrey will be very special. hahas.

this the first time i went to that extent to get the gifts done.

handmade A4 size note. some have seen how it looks like. and i received the nods. haha. its cool. then CROCS specially bought for his work. i know he has been dying for it. and i've been saving madly. and lastly, cookies and cupcakes! hahas.

its like i've never ever bothered to do so much for a guy. but a special guy like him, just makes me want to do more and more. anything for him. that's my love.

im dying to buy the diva necklace. its a heartshape pendant. that costs 16 bucks.

and yah. i'll go next week to get it! im so in love with that necklace. and when i miss that necklace back here. means i really want it. so i should get it! rightright?!

haha. okay. i'll have to start doing my work. COFFEE in the night! sigh. endless projects. it is impossible with man. but it is possible with God! AMEN.

i totally agree. its from Matthews smth. can't remember. ))):

okay! gotta go.

before that pictures!

tell me im vain. haha. i love taking pictues. ((:

jeffrey and his dog. i kind like that dog like. huggable. nice and comfy. haha.

me. stephanie. lynette. taken during lynette's birthday! (((: loveloves.

sigh. where's teddy. TELLME.

being ignored for very very long le. hahas.
i miss him so much.

i tell you i went bonkaz just now doing my csad only! ))):
SIGH. it is just so difficult )):

and im just complaining here!
bye.

spent the entire saturday with ina doing CSAD.

hahas. my title tells it all. spent the entire afternoon doing CSAD. gosh. im really exhausted. and i still can't get my data grid view to work properly. i spent five hours trying to figure out and i still don't get it. my brain cells are dead already.

and oh. how i miss boyfriend so much. didn't see him for two days already. okay. i know its only 2 days! hahas.
yesterday i left school around 8pm. and i completed my SWEN! hurrays.
im left with two hours before i have to go meet jeffrey soon.
so im gonna quickly finish up my final draft for creative writing that is due on tues.
because monday. im going to TM to see my idols ! lols . hana kimi cast..

im so excited bout it. haha. i believe most of us are. haha.
GIRLS ! -.-

hahahas. loveloves
BYE

recording test data for SWEN isn't easy at all. i have to admit.
its 6.41pm and i am still in school recording scripts after scripts. i have been in the lab since 3pm trying to record. the whole 11am-2pm i have been doing my programming assignment.

this is what i mean by from morning to night doing assignment all day.
but im glad. God has been really Faithful to me. providing me with a school com with the software when others are struggling to look for lab. you've no idea how grateful i really am. Praise the Lord. ((:

well. im basically very tired. when i get home, i'll hve to try to complete my creative writing. so that i may continue doing my programming assignment. sigh database connection and stuff.. my life. pathetic. but well. i'll learn to treasure it. i promise.

im very thankful to jeffrey. because he gave me a verse from the bible. that really serves as another reminder. and letting me know, that im not alone.

amazing how God love is. really.
i gotta get back to doing my work. bye.

it is because of all the piling projects that must be cleared by next week.

is that the answer to why im feeling depressed? letme see.
i shall list out what needs to be done.

monday 29.01.2007
swen test case and test data submission (recording of scripts not done yet.)

tuesday 30.01.2007
creative writing final draft. (needs to be edited again)

friday 2.02.2007
communication skills presentation powerpoint and draft to be modified.
CSAD programming assignment due. inclusive of reports and soft copy of codes.
GC briefing to be attended
UIR presentation

monday 5.02.2007
wbat application to be done and submitted.

tuesday 6.02.2007
creative writing to be submitted - storybook with cover to be design.

monday 12.02.2007
business finance final test.

thursday 15.02.2007
cmsk3 presentation (formal wear)

now, now. can you understand? i do projects after projects. hours after hours. can you imagine sitting in school from 9am - 7pm doing projects. and when you get home, you still continue doing projects till the wee hours of the night?

i know everyone faces the same thing. but im especially tired. my workload is far too heavy for me to handle. and i feel like going mad. and most of the time; i actually break down into tears. although you all may not see it. but i feel really tired and weary of everything that is going on.

enough of my jokes. my laughter for you all. because i am simply too tired to make everyone happy.

that's all
loves

like a baby; cry when you need to. laugh when you feel happy.

i don't know what got into me lately.

tired.
sigh.

forget it.

bye.

i have been too caught up with the struggles in life. and i had pay no attention to the surrounding people and my initial goal; to leave heartprints with everyone i see.

life has been fairly bearable.
i give thanks for the wonderful people around me. because they really care. and the prayers they've kept me in.
choir has been fruitful. the songs. the worship. fantastic i tell you.

i read ina's blog. about how she envy me because i can share so easily. it wasn't easy ina. it takes a lot to share. but over years, the more you keep the emotions in yourself, the more you need to share. Im willing to listen only if your willing to share.

yah. ((:
yea. and valentine's is coming around the corner! i remember those times in secondary school when we give each other roses and presents. well; a moment that i can never forget. but all good things come to an end. hmm. maybe.

i finish the special item i made for jeffrey. and its kinda cool. hahas. thanks to TP bookshop. i found some good materials. haha.

i had to show my tutor about A child's story. it wasn't positive. i felt really depressed. i meant 2 times already. i put in my effort. put in so much effort. and BAM. it just turn out this way. sigh. im not gonna give up though. but im really struggling. i prolly ain't cut out to write stories.
difficulties to overcome! sigh.

i miss my boyfriend. you know. you know?!
loveloves.

thanks yemin for burning the cd for me! hahas.
love it . (((:

today school was i-don't-know what to say. friday always seem to be very bad. sigh. because there's UIR and then CSAD. my two more irritating module in my dictionary. ))):

i feel really moody today. i've no idea why. maybe i shud just return home to get some sleep. truely need the sleep.
tmr there's a long day waiting for me. hmm.

im getting my test results for CSAD soon. i already know i fail. so i don't have much expectations already. life is getting even more and more boring for me. im beginning to start feeling that i've no life. but YIKES. ))):

i miss going out with ina; girls day out! i learnt smth from highquest.
that whenever you feel like escaping from the world, no matter where you run to, God's presence is always there with you. you cannot hide from Him. yes, you can hide from the world, but not God.
i feel so comforted by this. because there are so many times, i really feel like hidding away in my own shell. i feel like just crying and sleep and ignore everyone. but most of the times, because i know God is always there. so i wipe away my tear. and smile and pick up myself and face the world.

this is how real God is to me. He is really so faithful.
((((:
im glad to know that there are so many people who cares. really glad.

i was just telling lynette in the lab. how fragile relationships can be. you never know when you will just lose hold of someone so important to you. and to me, i find it even more scarier. because i've lost too many before. and im very afraid. but not many people can tell that im really afraid. the strong personality, the smiley face that i put up infront of everyone.

only a few will really know. i am so afraid. so. God i pray, that i'll never lose anyone impt from my life again. Amen.

okay. enough of ranting. haha. some random post of the day. bleah.
i wanna go home and sleep!
loveloves.

have you heard of Don Moen's version of We are the reason?

watch it.


i have been searching for worship videos. and i tell you its fantastic.
worshipping is really great.

(((:

i had a great time in school today. CMSK was very funny. a lot of jokes. think Steph enjoyed it more because of all the nonsense i was talking about. haha. i never fail to make them LAUGH okay! what a good entertainer i am!
hahas.

today i applied at the MOE website. for relief teaching. guess what i am teaching? CHINESE! hahas. ina will be like " WHAT" i can imagine! hahas.

bleah.
friday!! i dislike going for UIR class. and i've a feeling i already failed the attendance requirement. crosses finger ))):
well. i'll start going for class.
haha. the only thing im prolly looking forward to. is because i gonna see him! hahas.
((:

byeee.

i want to blog seriously. because i need to pen down thoughts. or i might never be able to find out what is wrong with myself. so. ignore my post.
yah. pretend you didn't see anything. *points to INA.* xD

i had an extreme conversation yesterday. things may be harsh. but i know its the truth. i cried non-stop. because i had no idea what i've been doing. i have not been myself. i have hidden myself. my dark side from you. i knew i had to say it someday. but i struggled most of the time.

now that you know. you dont seem to understand. i am so afraid. i feel like leaning on ina and start crying again. I don't know why everytime i am so afraid. fearful of losing. i'll cling on to ina. i am really scared. i don't know how to explain that sorta feeling in me now.

who can really understand the situation i am in? if you were me, what will you do huh? will you move on bravely, or like me? getting stuck. i know you'll say move on bravely. but hey. i say that all the time too. i'll move on. but you know what happens. like what you said. somethings you expect will not turn out the way u expect it to be. and prolly you'll get stuck too.

i don't like the way you make it sound as if everything is so simple. because if it was simple. i would have got over it. actually its over already. i think this the last time im gonna address that issue. before the book is out.

im doing everything not for the people to see. but for God.
i somehow just sense that God is wanting me to write the book. He planned everything from the beginning to use me. He wants to use me, to use my past and bring people back to Him. He wants me to be a living testimony of His works in me. and i'll continue working at it.
but still, i thank you for the support you are willing to give me. although you still do not understand why i am doing all this

its ok. oh btw, this post is not meant for u. its for me( that is if you ever come across this post.)

seriously, i felt really hurt yesterday. not by the words you say. but i regretted not sharing with you earlier. i regretted from hiding myself from you. i am so sorry. SIGH

yesterday. i felt as if i had dropped into a dark pit. i never wanted to show you my weakness. and now i had. i feel pain. because you've seen through me. you've seen the kind of person i am. i feel shameful of myself. and i feel guilt.
i don't know what i can do now. im gonna pray very hard. im gonna seek God these few days when i am not going to be meeting you. i seriously need time to sort out a lot of emotions. then start writing the book again. for now, i'll just leave the story where it is. until i get a confirmed answer from God that i should really continue writing.

i have lost my appetite for days. i really have no more energy to care about the rest of the stuff. but at least God is really faithful. my mother gave me allowance for this whole week. so praise the Lord!

and keep me in prayers dear friends.
special thanks to CL for covering me in prayer.
(((:

takecare.
loves.

A child's story - 30% completed.
im at chapter three already.
it takes really a lot to write this story. oh well.

i slept quite long in the afternoon today. hahas. i had nothing to do. i know i know. there's plenty of projects to do. but im slacking. oh well )))):
sigh.

im having mixed up feelings now.
btw, Hana Kimi is really nice to watch. hahahas. im falling in love with it.(((:
LOL.

im only ranting here. BYE

im spending the next few days writing a story for creative writing.
after writing two chapters, i realised my story is basically like "a child called it" my story will be a true story bout my own life. the broken promises. the broken hearts. rage. hatred.
it is a story that shows every single event that really happened.
the story's title will be. The child's story.

fantastic. not exactly. each time i try writing. i go back to the past. and its as if i am on a journey back. and when i come back to reality. i feel my heart aching so much. each time. more&more. yes i admit im becoming more and more emo.
somehow as emo as i get. i still hold on strongly. i'll never admit defeat.
God has been here with me all along. although i feel the pain, when i look up. i feel the warmth of God's hands. He has been there all along.

so i'll still continue writing this story. because i want to give thanks for the life i've been through. and i want to share. i am always better at expressing when i write. and after i finish the story. the first person i would pass my story to is my boyfriend.
i realised i have hide too much. too much stuff that need to be told. but not sure when. so this time. i will. i promise.

byeee.
loves.

i've not blog for so long.
been so busy.

choir.chin's birthday. creative writing presentation. hur. plenty of stuff.

well. SWEN results !! 34/50. sigh. quite low actually. but nvm lah. (((:

joyce's birthday today! (((: happy birthday my dear sister. hahas. joyce is my boyfriend's sister. so yah. in-case you were wondering.
and bleah. im so stuck now.
i need a new job. gonna really pray that God shows me a way. by the end of next week, if i still can't get a job. yea i'll work at macs. i know everyone's telling me the pay is pretty low. but well, it beats sitting around not being able to find a proper job right?

i'll ring nicole up tmr. and ask whether she has any part-time job on hand. ((:
i feel really poor now. lols. lots of family issues happening.
but on the brighter side. my brother bought me a laptop! hahas. that really really cheered me up a lot.

sigh. recently i've been thinking a lot. it seems that i've been going through quite a lot. and i feel that God wants me to really face a lot of reality. and not just pretend and deny that there is nothing wrong with me. and that all these happens for a reason. i know i've to do something about it. prayers. surrendering it all to God. well. give me time. okay?

yea. i had a lot of sharing today. particularly with lynette and ina. and i am really glad i have great friends around me. where we can share with each other. really appreciate them a lot. really hope that lynette will turn to Christ soon. yah. i have faith in God. that one day she'll really come to accept Him with all her heart. (((:

i am gonna stop here. tmr is a long day. programming and cmsk. well, i can say im looking forward to WBAT. (((: loveloves.

byeeee.

sigh. im in school lab now.
slept at four am in the morning. did my assignments from 10pm till 4am. 6 amazing long hours. really want to thank God that i am able to complete everything by today.

and for sending people along the way to help me with my coding. really grateful.
right now. im exhausted. and pissed off. and frustrated at some particular reason.
im probably too tired thats why im very pissy.

i feel like fainting now due to exhaustion. i've a feeling i might just drop dead on the floor. sigh.
i need my bed. need my sleep.
need my boy the most. but he's busy now.

listen to my rantings. sigh. im tired . bye.
)))):

projects. projects & more projects.

i've tried starting on csad. i mean my group is done with the G.U.I and all. but then the coding. i really don't understand how to do? I have alot of retrieving from the db. SIGH.

I am waiting for lynette to be back from Taiwan. so that i have at least an idea on how to start. SIGH.
and then the fyp proposal. I need them also. Because we are in the same group
there are really much thing to be done. and the hols are almost over.
I really haven't been pushing myself hard enough.

Im sick now. i fell sick again! after six months. lols. its somehow. like finally? LOLs.
im only blogging a short entry.
hahhaas. bleah.
that boy is busy again. nvm. me too. lols

byeeee.

why am i so negative in my recent entries? i cannot understand the reason why.
im truely very tired.
im truely afraid of trying.
i truely hate this feeling.
and who can understand what i am going through?

you may show me facts that others are suffering more.
but can you lend a listening ear to me instead of telling me?
can you listen for once to my pains.

can you help me ease the missing of someone?
can you help me?

three consecutive days. i have been holding on to this burden in me. leting my tears flow endlessly. yet i have been puting up such a brave front. But deep within. i know how much i may not be able to take it anymore.
i held on. when i heard the sermon on Sunday. i was so touched.
and i want to work even harder but it is so difficult.

i am beginning to hate. to have anger in me. and i hate this kind of feeling in me.

Father, would you help me get pass all these?

can i not look at my mother anymore.
can i be wilful and lead my own life the way i want?
can i stop trying to please every single one around me? I AM TIRED OF PLEASING ALMOST EVERYONE. IM TIRED OF BEING SOMEONE that is weak.

show me the way out. even if there is no one for me to really lean on. can i lean on you? i just need some assurance once more. how to set my heart right again? how do i set my heart right for you and the people around me again ?

how do i stop being negative. and just smile happily?

to be really honest, no matter how much i try to deny. to live in denial, the reality is always there. no matter how much i try to tell myself, my past is NOTHING. but the reality shows it all.

i'll take some time off to be by myself. and set my heart right for everyone.
bye.

Dear Gracious Father,
today is christmas. but i am in an unpeaceful state. i feel the rage in me. i feel the need to pour out everything. i feel the tears in my eyes. i want to be happy during christmas. Because Jesus is born to save me. save the world. but why do i feel such resentment and bitterness in me. Why is it that i feel no one is around to talk to me? why do i sense loneliness in my heart?
this christmas, all i want is a good relationship with my mother. because of the war that is waging in me, i have no peace. Father, please take away all these bitterness in me. that i may be strong and fulfill my mother's expectation of a wonderful daughter.
in Jesus's name i pray, Amen.


i know its christmas. i know i sound really down. crying&all. but i feel really bad inside.
i love my mother. But because i love her; the things that she says become smth that really pierce my heart so much. I don't mind doing the housework. But she gotta understand that i have plenty of work to do. I don't go out and play all the time. I have school. I have a part-time job. i feel like running away from home.

im hurt. im tired. im in pain.
so Jesus, take all these away from me.
SIGH.

relationships are the most fragile things in the world.
but. im not gonna escape from all these obstacles. im gonna walk through it. because i have faith in God. He'll pull me through everything!

okay. christmas outreach was fantastic last night. Simon came. and i am so proud of him. that he finally made the first step back. and im really glad he enjoyed the whole outreach.
He said all of us are friendly and really nice people. hurray shalom!
(((:
im glad.

hahas.
i won't go into details. because im tired.
and ina. im not gonna explain bout what happen when i was blindfolded. HAHA. byeeee.

How can i leave you when i've fallen so deeply in love with you.
i'll never leave you. because you are my everything. God-sent. a gift from God to me. you are fantastic. the right guy that i ever want. your my most precious gift. the best christmas gift i could ever had. you never fail to make me smile. you never fail to make me feel love. because of you; i can smile by my own so foolishly. but also because of you; i enjoy smiling so much. you make my heart melt all the time. even when we seem so far apart and don't have much time together, i still feel your love always and always. our hearts can feel each other's. ((((: i love you baby.

hmm.
today i met ina. went to bugis together. i bought a "jumper" that i am not so in love with. haha. but then again. it prolly looks nice. i don't know. and i guess it was a wrong decision. i spent 80 bucks in a day. but i don't remember exactly how. :x i returned ina money. bought the christmas present for cell. had lunch. top up my farecard and bought that jumper.

hmm. money come, money goes. but its okay. money can be earned again. but now. cellgroup dinner money HOW ?! hahahs. next week im gonna work again and get my PAY. hahas.
Simon off his handphone. SIGH. i pray hard that he'll come for christmas outreach tmr. SIGH. you better come!

i miss my boy. so much. right now.
hahas. the thought bout him always make me smile. lovelovelove.

hahas. tmr ina and peilee gonna get baptized! hahas. i'll be going for 1st service.hmm.
ina.
2nd baptism; any thoughts or comments ? lols . letmme hear it. (((:
monday is christmas; but i'll be spending that day to complete cmsk report and journal writing or maybe swen requirements specs. then tues - fri will be spent on coding CSAD. sigh. its a dread. :((((
but i can do it! hahahas.

im gonna stop blogging. need to catcvh some sleep. though i don't feel like sleeping yet. but i have to sleep 8 hours or not. i'll be so moody. hahahas.
takecare. (((:
loveloves.

and

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE(((:
REMEMBER JESUS ALWAYS.
AND HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR. OHKAY?!

LOVES

give thanks for the christmas season (:

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks unto the Holy One
Give thanks because
He's given Jesus Christ, His Son
(repeat)

And now let the weak say, 'I am strong'
Let the poor say, 'I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us'
(repeat)

a song that touches my heart. and makes me want to just continue giving thanks for every single event that happened in my life.
so what are you waiting for? give thanks (:

i am feeling very sick now as im blogging. sigh. i pray that God will protect me and not let me fall even more sick. have to work tmr. and christmas is around the corner.

the year is coming to the end, how will you rate your whole year then ?

A-Very Good, B-Good enough, C-just the same, D-lousier than ever.

for me, i'll rate it A-Very Good. This has been the most eventful year. The year which i have felt the most extreme ups and downs. the year which i have seen myself nurtured and grown.
God's presence in my life made me changed from the inside out.
Will you people who i once knew be surprised to see the change in me? or would you all still say its all an act? well. i guess it doesn't matter anymore.

In the first half year. I have been neither here nor there. Everything seem to be stuck, like a tape not being able to play. But when i finally could move on, the tape started playing really smoothly. that is because God has came into my life again. This time He came in, differently like the previous. All these events, made everything that had happened seem to be with a purpose. A purpose to make me come back to God wholeheartedly, with my own will.

i remember that moment when i ended it all; i picked up the phone and dialled ina's number. i said. "Ina, i want to come back church." with just this sentence that came out of my mouth, the Holy Spirit had started working in me once more.
The extreme downs that i had been through are blessings in disguise. that i can boldly speak of now.

I love to reflect on what has happened in my life. Because through these reflections, i come to know more about my self.
For the first six months , i have been selfish, materialistic, hot-tempered, with hatred in my heart. I have been the worse person anyone could have met.
But for the next six months, i have been the total opposite from what i have been before. from materialism, i have become in a way, that i care for no more riches. no more nice clothes, no more popularity. all these seem to have been taken away by God. i have been forgiving and patient. and i have never been like that before.
I have forgived the people i needed to forgive. I have learnt to curb my temper.

God has been reminding me once and once again, to humble myself. Especially when i am serving in Choir. It takes alot of effort to really humble yourself. When i meet annoying people, the usual me will tend to just ignore and speak behind that person's back. I confess, i still do that nowadays. but rarely. even so, i still need to learn. to change.

I am proud of the way i have change with God's strength. And suddenly i remember telling Perline this: "you cannot change your character yourself, only with God's strength and power then you'll be able to change." I don't know to others, is this true. But to me, i felt this way. one year back then, i had a group of people around me who kept telling me to change. "Qiqi, you must change." everywhere i went, people told me my attitude was bad. people told me they didn't like me at times. because i am selfish.

Back then, i kept asking myself. What have i done wrong? what do i need to change. I tried my best. I tried to change. I spoke lesser. I didn't make the decisions anymore. I let the others do. I gave in again and again. Until one day i broke down and cried " i can't change! i can't "
and i left things dangling on that way.

When i have came back to church. I did not need to tell myself I want to change. I did not try to change. But God changed me. Through the scriptures, through people, through the sermon. God changed my heart deep from within. I could no longer find myself flaring up. I could no longer find myself having hatred in me. I could no longer tick off people when ever i want.
Praise God.

The way God has work in me, others may not see. But i see it. and i feel it. i remember jeffrey and i were talking bout personalities. Each bird represent a different personality. When he told me i was a dove. I was really amazed.
Me a dove ? How can it be. But i realised personality do change. And i have changed.

From the mouth that curses all day, my mouth now sing praises of the Lord. And determined not to curse anymore. How can i give my testimony to people around me?
How can i teach people to trust God in the hard times?
How can i relate to everyone using my past? i have fell down and down many many times, But i always have the most amazing people beside me who pull me up. No matter, how deep i fell in, how hard i fell, i always manage to pick myself up.

No doubt. Whenever i start dwelling in the past, the pain comes in. I still cry. I still tell God, i want to see them so much. I want my parents, my family back. I tell God i envy families. I tell God this is not fair. Why must i go through so much, when most can just lead their life normally? I cry out all the time to God. But each time i cry out, God reassure me. Each time, i feel a certain tingle in my heart. A warmth that slowly fills my body. A love that feels the emptiness. And the words will ring in my heart " God loves u."

God is good all the time. And all the time God is good. This i must really say Amen to.
I have never felt God so strongly than ever until this year. I have never experienced God's love as much until this year. I have never prayed that much. have never worshipped that much. have never did my QT that much until this year.
i feel so loved, so wanted in God's arms now.
He gave me the boy that i needed most when i felt like giving up. I asked God, when will i ever experienced the love that i always wanted. And true enough. I met him. I met him, but i was still in doubt. I ask God again, are you sure? he is the one for me? I prayed for a sign.

God showed me the sign. Perline and Lynette said before " How can two people come together, meet in church, love at first sight. and they are both christians? Isn't this God-planned?"
When i think bout this, i smile. I jump for joy. and i exclaim. Thankyou Father for this precious gift You have blessed me with!

Each time i reach out to people, the Holy Spirit works in me non-stop. Amazing words flow out from my mouth. To comfort them. To also remind them that God is always here. And each time a broken heart is in front of me, i feel God calling out to me, go speak to them. They need a listening ear. And i'll just reach out my hand to them.

enough of the reflections. my resolution for year 2007? hmm.

i have just signed up as a volunteer for children's society.
It always had been my dream to help the abandoned children. I have been through what they have gone through. And this time i am able to really give my all and all.
I want to serve God more.
I want to leave heartprints.
I want to have a closer relationship with God.
I want to grow spiritually to a higher level.

i give thanks for the wonderful calling back to Christ.
i give thanks that it is God's calling for me serve in choir.
i give thanks for jeffrey.
i give thanks for Ina who always stood by me.
i give thanks for the wonderful cellgroup.
i give thanks for lynette, perline and stephanie.
i give thanks for the improvement in grades this semester.
i give thanks for the change in my heart.
i give thanks for all the wonderful events that has happened.

And indeed. God is great. He our gracious Father!

thats the end of my entry today. long one (:
loves.

IM TIRED.

hahas.
i have been out every single day. and tmr i just want to stay at home. :x
SIGH. my mom has been nagging every single day. in order to have a good christmas weekend. i have to stay at home tmr. and also do the housework. (((:

i haven't been updating. because im really busy. exams are finally over. and im mid into the holidays already. and i have not started on any of my school work. so im really dead. next week i'll be rushing alot. hmm.

i won't be bloging long entry. so yah. i just update for the sake of it huh.
im going to bed soon. hahas.
i have been so tired doing christmas cards. a whole lot of 41 cards. ))): and im not even half through. sigh.

gotta go.
loveloves.

i miss my boy.
and yes. i love him alot.

well. i know i haven't been blogging.

i really seldom have the time to do that. maybe soon. after term-test.

i have been really busy. doing all kinds of assignment. i seriously mean all-kinds. i had to rush my creative writing journal, my UIR portfolio, my WBAT webpages + coding, study for cmsk reference TEST. and i had to even start thinking on how to do CSAD forms and coding.

Not only that. on 5th janaury. which means immediately after my term break.

i have a few submissions. like my creative writing 7 more entries. my CSAD project about some airline system, my UIR portfolio part 2. i think there's more to come.

i already lost track of what to hand in. SIGH. i can't work for the whole two weeks. seem like i'll continue working for David. then i'll have time to work in the evening for all my submissions. lucky people who are going overseas. I really pray hard that God will show me favor this semester. although im piling with projects, but i really had a good time learning new stuff.

And it seems like i have been doing rather well too. i hope to continue this way. Really.

and i want to do well for every project on hand. i want to at least pull my GPA to 2.0. I know its hard. But i always felt that nothing is impossible. with my effort and God's favor. I know i can do it. yah.

and Happy Birthday INA and Kaiyan !

hmmm. both of you have grown older. i can't think of anything to say. But do well in school. Study hard. (: and All the best. (((:

and specially for INA: cure your laziness. ((: be more disciplined in work OHKAY! and i hope you'll get a good major project GROUP. and they will push you and make you learn not to be lazy! hahas. love you bestfriend (:

a lot of events happened every here and now. But im really tired. i'll just upload a few photos. thats all (((:

at his birthday dinner. ((: iloveu.
we were at the cafe again. i tell you we took 17 shots altogether.
((((:
jeff's sister; julianna. ((:

hmm. classmates. (: love them to bits. sorry steph&perline. ure not in this one. hahas. (((:

tadah. thats all. my wbat project is coded. can be build successfully and tested successfully. But there are illogical reasoning inside. So will any kind soul help me. YES you. don't look away ar. call my PHONE now! hahahaha.

loves,

chechi.

im beginning to feel really hopeless.

trying to be really strong is one thing and being really strong is another thing.
im sorry.
really sorry.

i can no longer be..
sigh.
nevermind.

bye.

it seems that i have been only blogging when i need to seek shelter. not really seeking shelter. because i seek shelter from God. anyway whatever im saying is really contradictory.

hidden in despair.
and i hear the voice in my head "peace, be still"
Father, grant me with inner peace once more please.

i refused to talk about it to anyone who saw me tear. but deep down i know its really hard to manage. im always encouraging everyone around me. but when i break down, i find it hard to encourage myself. although i still have plenty of comforting words in my head. but its still hard to let these words comfort me. only God's healing hands can.

i think God is trying to send a message across to me since last week. to seek Him and not humans on the earth. because people will fail me but God will not.
its a hard and tough time. my desire for concern and care has grown unexpectedly stronger and stronger. the pain in me has increased over time. and the strength in me is slowly being drained by every single upset moment everyday.

how can i manage to carry on like this? Only God can bless me with strength and power. to hold on strong. and also to reach out to the many broken souls out there.

so many people around me cares so much. i see it. i feel it. they often tell me not to hide. not to be silent. but what can i do ? what should i say? im loss for words.
maybe its not a bad thing to be silent. i really do not know
if one day he prounce upon this blog so suddenly, i think i'll be loss for words. because i know he'll never read my blog.

my flesh spirit and the holy spirit in me is continuing to battle on and on. my flesh spirit makes me want to shout out loud. to scold. to have anger. to be frustrated and just cry. but my holy spirit tells me that God is with me. "peace, be still."
human will fail me but God will not. this must be often reinforced in my life.

there's pain in me. God take it away. because i'll definitely let go. i know i must seek you and not any other. and therefore. i shall start seeking only You. and no one else.
and therefore take this burning pain in me. and take away this battle that is raging in me.
in Jesus's name, Amen.

that's my prayer for today.
and im sorry to those who saw my tears. really sorry.
thats not me. Never me.

tmr i'll be wearing yellow. i'll be sure to make everyone smile and laugh once more (:
thankyou for all the amazing concern.
loves

no matter how tough, how tiring. i will walk through everything.
to do my best. to walk on boldly.

no matter how much it takes. i'll still be brave.

i miss him so much. he must be having fun now. hahas.
i can hardly find words to describe this special feeling between both of us.
hahahas.

i keep crying over a super sad drama. one litre of tear. yusrin shouldn't have introduced me this show. hahaha. i just keep crying non-stop over it. its simply too saddening.
SIGH.

i spent the whole day infront of the computer either trying to do WBAT or watch the drama. time passes so fast which im really grateful for. because only when time pass fast, then i'll be able to see him faster.
i have been waiting endlessly. to me thats how i feel. at times, i really wish i can see him immediately. but that's my selfishness. no matter how dumb i seem to perline.lynette. i'll still always be me. because that's my kind of love for him. no matter how tired i am of waiting for his sms. his phone call. the day we can meet. no matter how tough to get through each day. im still going to be strong. thats because i love him so much.

((((: loves.
gotta go.
church tmr (((:

i miss you so much. ))):

SIGH.

today i had a really busy day. supposed to do master page for wbat. but i only completed parts of it. its quite tiring to get it all complete.
yikes.

darling is going to malaysia tmr. and im gonna be so lonely. haha. not really actually. i have loads of stuff to do. but that doesn't mean i won't miss him.
its been so hard all these days. i know a minority agree with me.

im tired. going to sleep soon.
and you all should watch 1 litre of tears. based on true story. its really good
thanks yusrin for the recommendation ((:

i love my boy.

more pictures. classmates. ((: great girls. hahas. thankyou for the amazing friendship. and how close we have bonded in just a short five weeks. perline.stephanie.lynette. and also the guys. yusrin timothy and maybe baldwin. ((((:perline.steph.ME during lecture.
i think we were playing around with my phone in the canteen hahas. make a guess where i am at.
lynette. sweet and adorable.
ina! hahas. she's having great loads of fun.


hoho. thats all.
thanks lynette for the wonderful smses that kept me really strong. and the maze is really a good thing. hahas. i love you.
thanks to perline for the concern. and askng me to eat. hahas.
and thankyou to ina for accompanying me the entire day. lifting up my spirits.
thankyou to timothy and baldwin. for being a great company (((:

takecare everyone.
loves.

tearing apart.
really. alot and alot.

i have been sleeping alot. but not sleeping well. my back hurts alot.
i have been feeling tired most of the time. and i can't focus on anything at all.
i have been losing my appetite. and it mounts to only eating as much as one meal a day.
i have been feeling lost most of the time
i have been neither here or there.

i just want you. thats my most inner desire right now.

Father in heaven, i pray that you'll grant me strength. as i work myself through each day. And i pray that i'll never feel lost because Your presence will always be with me. Father i pray that you'll be my light in my darkness. And that the harsh words from my mom that has affected me rather much will stop lingering in me. Father i pray that you'll turn my sorrow into joy.
Please help me get through everything.
in Jesus's name i pray Amen.

Ina, i want the chocolate now. i need it so much now. ))):
i love u.

shall post pictures of CBTL today (((:

heres like a whole load of people.

jessica. me. and karon.
((((:
whole choir. try to spot me. bwahahas. abit hard lah.

my hand is blurred because karon pulled me into the picture last min. yah. :x

im hidden. -.-
blurred. haha.
a bunch of people pouring out praises and worshiping our Almighty God.

end of photos. i miss the time of practice we had together. miss the times of laughter and everything. everything was wonderful during CBTL. well, we'll see each other again soon. yay!

loves

i am feeling all weary and tired today. i had carried a broken heart to church today.
but as i started my morning prayers before service started. as i laid all burdens at the feet of the cross, i did felt an inner peace in me. and that i give thanks for.

choir was good. my second time serving. but i may not be able to continue. at first i felt that, my mom wouldn't have comments about me serving. but i was really wrong. and i have to honor my parents. so i'll just pray for God to speak to me. to give me an answer on whether to continue serving.

and pray for my mom. she backslided. and i just noticed it only now. what a failure i have been. sigh. well. i plan to bring her for christmas hokkien service on the 23rd dec. so hopefully she can go. (((:

i really feel tired today. but amazing thing is. i have this inner peace in me. although im tired. although i know there are a lot of problems for me to face. somehow four words keep ringing in my mind. "peace be with you" its like Jesus constantly holding my hand not letting go of me. and telling me that im here with you to face everything with you.
and true enough i know He is here with me. so no matter how weary i am. i know i'll recover.(((:

i won't blog much today.
i won't be seeing him for really quite some time. mon.tues.thurs.fri.sat.sun.
i still have a lot of hidden emotions in me that needs pouring out. but its only for God to hear. (:

bye.

i have said that i would really like to stop blogging. because i felt its really a dread. But then recently i read from somewhere. that it is really good to jot down thoughts about God. and my daily experience with Him. So i thought i would continue blogging about the goodness of my God.

today i continued reading the wounded woman again.
and i came across this.

FAITH

F- Fully
A- Abandoned to God
I- In
T- Trust and
H- Humility

oh, how true is that. to surrender all our hurts to Him. And He will take them all from us. and grant us with inner peace.

today i wrote another journal entry for creative writing. i shall share it here. im gonna copy and paste it. (((:

Some people said I am a strong girl of my age. Not in terms of physically but mentally and emotionally. Perhaps they are really right after a long time of struggles in life.
I began to know people more. I began to know how to reach out to the broken souls in the world. There was once, I was on the way to school on the bus. I saw this girl, who seemed around the same age as me. On her left wrist, there were scars. No doubt, these scars were evidence of suicidal thoughts in her. I saw a certain sorrow in her eyes that were so deep. The loneliness in her eyes had shown it all. I felt my heart ache slightly.

I prayed, “Oh God, teach me how. Teach me how to reach out to the people around me, even if I do not know them.”
And thus, I prayed sincerely for her. That she will be able to live through the whole lot of difficulties and come out as a strong young lady.

I always felt that people who try to take away his or her life are really foolish. Of course that includes me in the past. In the past, in the darkness, I had always wanted to die. I always wanted to fade away. The whole world seemed to dislike me, and there was no where I could turn to.

I knew how it was like to be all alone. The pain is not any normal pain. But a pain that can really take your whole life away, if you are not careful. I guess this is the reason why only people who have been hurt are able to really reach out to the broken hearted out there. Because only people like us, are able to clearly understand the pain and brokenness in them. And because I emerged victoriously out of my darkness, I am able to relate better to those who need help.

I didn’t make up a story about the girl. I really saw her. And I felt really troubled upon seeing those scars. And these scars gave me tears. I would have liked to hug her and lay my hands upon her to give her my blessings. And of course, tell her that Jesus loves her. But I guess, it would be really weird because I do not know her at all. But I leave it to God to do the healing.
My entry is long today. But it contains much of my emotions of that day.

this is what i have wrote. I just wanted to share.
Well, im willing to be that hand to the many out there who are hurt. wounded deeply. i have been there. but God has shown me the light.

In the wounded woman, i read about how a group of woman with wounds nursed their hearts. When they were asked to draw a picture that represents their wound and God.
one person drew a vase. with cracks. but this cracks has light coming out of them.
The interpretation of this drawing is really simple. God has made use of our wounds so that we may glorify Him.

Once durng sermon, this message was conveyed to me. And until now i still remember it clearly, " God must wound us deeply in order to put us to greater use." do i hear an Amen for that?
AMEN.

thats what i really feel. Let me reach out to the broken souls and hearts out there. Father, i just pray that you put me to really good use. Let my story be a living testimony to the many others out there. That they may face their wounds in their hearts and walk out of the darkness victoriously. Amen.

its a long entry so far. but its all worthwhile.
and one last thing. Never compare your life with other people.
Having troubles are not a bad thing. having no troubles, leading a carefree life is worser. Because they will never learn. never.

hoho.
birthday party was awesome.
thanks to the following people who came:
weixuan.beng.nicole&BF.melissa&BF.sarah.ying.jerome&FRIEND. annette&weiluo.emily&baolong.joanne.alvina.shumin.sisil.haney.sean.ina.jeremy.
chuili.yung.david.aaron.waldy.samuelchin.jeffrey.evelyn.
&&&&& jeff's family (((((:

hahas. thanks to all who came. and those who didn't come because for the weather :xxxx
GARRRHHHHH. hahahas. no lah. pity.pity. hee.

and thanks everyone for the presents.
i got a whole lot of awesome presents (((((: and 3 birthday cakes. the best present i have
received this year is the cell group's present. a book for woman who are dealing with hurts.
recently so much things are happening. but i'll leave it all to God.

i'll upload pictures tmr. i need to continue studying for finance test soon. loves.

loves everyone.

yesterday pictures. hahahas. that explains all. and look at the amt of food my boy eats. gaaaaa. LOLS

heee. im really missing him badly.
anyway today was great!
i love my classmates like super alot now. especially lynette stephanie and yusrin. they are great. and not forgetting lynette one and only BF. they are so sweet lah! hahahas.

anyway. heres the present from lynette and timothy:

famous amos cookie. hahahs. and its so cute. (: thats my third birthday present. whoopeeees.
okay enough of the pictures. wanna see tmr's guest list? LOL. i put for fun lah. OK!

1)ina
2)sean
3)jeffrey
4)weixuan
5)kaiyan
6)chiensing 8pm
7)shumin
8)alvina
9)joanne
10)sylvia
11)yusrin
12)waldy
13)jingying
14)David
15)beng
16)nicole
17)Melissa
18)annette
19)emily
20)yeo
21)weiluo
22)haney
23)hajar
24)wenjie
25)merrilyn
26)nicole's BF
27)samuel chin
28)aaron
29)Chui Li
30)Yung
31)Chris
32)Nicholas
33)Jerome
34)Jeremy
35)Lynette
36)Timothy
37)danny
38)pj
39)Fifa

thats bout it. plus darling's sisters ? im not sure. hahas. anyway tmr will be great. hahahas.

loves.

HOHO.

Happy Birthday to ME.
aiks. that was yesterday. goodness. hahas.
nevertheless, i had a fantastic time. and i really appreciate all the efforts my boy made all for me. and this time, your surprises succeeded! i love you boy. (:

thanks for all the birthday messages: sean.ina.chuili.zhiqinnn.joylynn.lynette.yusrin.stephanie.
yea yea thats bout it. not many people know its my birthday yesterday. they think its tmr. hahahas. because my party is tmr! so wear pink you people. HOHOHO.

im pretty excited bout tmr already. i'll be seeing lots of people i haven't seen in for a very long time. hahas. so im very happy.
i shall NOT tell you what my boy did for me. its my secret. hahahas.
but. i'll post pictures very soon.

because im in school now you see. hahahas.
but my birthday was really the best spent in my eighteen years of life.
and once again. thankyou my darling. you really make me feel so loved. (:

lovesloves.

don't read. seriously. im just ranting.

im tired.
physically and mentally.

school work. life. i don't know.
no reason why.

been feeling like tearing for weeks. been stuck somewhere where i do not know.
praying here and there. But somehow things still don't work.

CBTL was awesome. i did experience God so strongly than ever. but certain other things came back into my mind. things that i never expected. and im affected very strongly by it.
im really tired.
i wish i could sleep for 24 hours and get up returning to my ownself. but i have too much work to do.

please give me strength, father in heaven.

sigh. gotta go .
bye.

BOO.

im waiting for my darling to come fetch me. haha. w&i today!
well. i have a secret bout w&i
i shall confess. the reason why i keep getting ina to go. is because......
aiya nvm. i dont want say. haha! SHY.
but i'll overcome it (:
right ina ? i can hear you say yes!

today i started the cleaning job. fantastic i tell you. enjoyed cleaning. a little tiring. but still endurable (:
hoho. tmr's CBTL rehearsal. glad to see the people again tmr. (:
and. everyone please pray for CBTL. for everyone who's serving. and for many many people to come for CBTL. (:

wheeees.
erms. my latest birthday party details
the pit number is 29. behind downtown east. 6pm OK peepos ?
hahaaa.
and my mom is making our favourite gyoza. (: WHEEEEES.
i sacrificed 50 bucks.
and my mom says the girls (early birds) will get a free facial MASK. wahhaaaa.

thats really funny. gotta go anyway
loves.

i love my teddy bear.

here to blog.
birthday: 7 days away (:

this time im happy to be turning eighteen. haha.
my best friend bought me my birthday gift already. thanks BF!
haha.

actually i don't have much to blog bout anymore. sigh. i just lost that feeling to blog.
its sucha dread.

WBAT assignment due next fri! goodness. and i just saw the announcement today.
i don't know what i am gonna do. and the best part. no visual studio at home. how to work on it. SIGH. better go discuss with yusrin and steph later.
may the joy of the Lord be my STRENGTH.

i seriously need strength now. everything seems to be slipping away from me slowly and slowly. But i know Jesus loves me (:
haha.

byeee.

im gonna blog NOW.

bleah. i feel weird today.
SIGH. plenty of mixed feelings. i don't know where to begin.
not exactly depessed. i don't know.

nowadays its hard to explain what im feeling.
the anxiety in me.

piling work to be completed. getting easily fustrated with things going on.
WHAT NOW?
sigh. im gonna go do my QT in awhile.
pray that i'll have a great QT later (:
i think right now, i can only pray,speak to God.
and let his amazing grace let me have peace in my heart (:

sigh.


here is what im supposed to get done so far:

- 3 finance report on three different finance article.
- 15 entries of journal
- research for communication skills.
- presentation of a author
- dig out 3 photographs for creative writing.

thats about it. and this week im busy with :

- friday: W&I (:
- saturday: choir rehearsal
- sunday: church. cbtl

its all labour for God. it will be worthwhile.
well. i really wish things will move on smoothly.
i have doubts about my ability to do things now. i have doubts bout handling situations now.
theres so much that i just can't express in words.
im really getting negative right now.
i better stop this. and get on to my QT.
(:

loveloves.
i miss him dearly.
i think i have fallen deep inside. but ina says its better to fall inside than outside. LOL
thanks BESTFRIEND. (:

bestfriend = BF
boyfriend = BF

so BF + BF = 2BF
i have 2 BFs !
LAME.

bye.

MY PAY IS HERE.

haha. im really happy. i was struggling. not knowing where to get cash to get my pink formal top for CBTL. and i prayed to God that he'll provide me. and i tried saving my whole allowance (i didn't manage to save the whole 10 bucks i got from my mom :x). And freddy sms-ed me that my pay is here. i can collect it already. God answered my prayers! and i can get my pink formal top for CBTL. bwahaha. AMEN!

so tmr im going to marina sq and collect my cheque and quickly deposit it. thursday i'll get it.
my pay should be around 35 + 60 + 70 = 165 bucks! bwahaha. putting aside 50 bucks for the pink top, 50 bucks to haney. and im only left with 65 bucks. sigh. another 20 bucks to bbq pit. and im left with 45 bucks. and im supposed to treat my darling to a meal (:
will chicken rice do ? bwahaha. im joking (:

hahaaa. yes. im jumping for joy already.
today i went jogging . 1.5km only. but i was exhausted after running today. and i only took 15 mins or so. OKAY. its long. i understand. LOL. whatever.
my mom was like complaining that i shud go slow-jog for 1/2 hour or so. but im simply too lazy. haha. maybe i should like start running EVERYDAY.
then i can lose the excess oil.
today everyone started commenting that i looked pregnant. and many asked "ARE U PREGNANT?!" and so being irritated with all the common questions, i replied: " YES. one week pregnant. " SIGH. get the idea ?!
bleahhh. and my care group teacher, qiyutao actually asked "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" -.-

ARGHHHH!!! SCREAMS JUMPS SCRATCHES. Whatever.
hahaaa.
im so excited for CBTL already. excited to praise God. (:
wheeeees. im gonna stop blogging now.(:

loves.
and i really love my boy very much.
he never reads my blog anyway. NO one does. :x

hohoho.

spent my entire Sunday in church. from 8.30am to 6pm. then went for dinner with some choir members. the dinner was random. cause i was walking to the bus stop. and 2 girls from choir were talking. saying they lived at pasir ris.
i really don't know them. and i just simply bugged in and said " ME TOO. ".

hahaaaa. random. but it was good. haha. but i won't wanna go out with them too often. because theres a really big age gap. i don't understand their conversation. so yah. bwahaha. im like in a world of my own.

Choir was good. especially standing on that stage. it was good. this time before rehearsal. i really prayed with my heart. and i began to experience a whole different thing altogether. i asked for God's presence to be here with us. and i really felt His presence so strongly. and it made me go all out during the practice.
and now my throat is kinda sore. and time and times again between the practice, i was asking God to preserve my throat (:

next week is a busy week for ME! i need to go get my pink formal top for choir. but i don't have money. Father, i pray that you provide for me. Especially when im really broke. I pray to have discipline in my spending. that i can save all my allowance by friday in order to get the top for choir.
In Jesus's name i pray, AMEN.

God will provide! haha. i need money like NOW. SIGH. what to do.
i think from tmr onwards. i'll just eat sandwich everyday. then friday i'll go get my formal top. (:

oh today in cell. we celebrated waldy, Evelyn and my birthday. thanks (:
haha. its nice knowing everyone from Shalom. and i really hope i'll continue to grow together with every single one of you (:

im gonna stop blogging now. and do some research. haha.
BYE.
loves.

i miss my darling(:

i know i haven't been blogging much. LOL
i really can't help it.
sigh. busy ? not really.

School started already. i only made two new friends. Stephanie and yusrin.
well. they are nice people i hope.
hmm. Well, KeHong and Jeremy are in the same class. but then again i don't talk to them often.

im in lab alone. one more hour before lessons starts. 3 hours of lab. then im allowed to go home. going for a date in the park later. LOL. jogging. don't anyhow think lah.

ina didn't come school today. SIGH. i had my lunch with sean,joanne, shumin and yanloo.
not bad le lah. still have pple to accompany me. today i crashed their lecture. though vincent chew is nice. but his lectures are always VERY boring.
yea.

im gonna read some articles now. gotta go . (:
LOVES
bring back some life to my tag board please.

BTW. i almost forgot.
my birthday party is coming (:

date: 11 nov 2006, Saturday
time: 6pm - 9/10pm
venue: Pasir Ris Park
dresscode: wait till i decide.

YEA. please make urself free. (:


byee.

tmr's my first day of year two. semester two.

well. im having mixed feelings about going to school. worried bout not having any company with me in school. But. i'll just leave it all into God's hands. i pray for the best out of everything (:

my mommy is still in the hospital. thanks everyone for the concern. and thanks ina for spreading the news. LOL.
well. i really pray she's alright. i love her more than anything. so i don't wish to see anything happen to her. i pray that the Lord will preserve her life. (:

i finally met up with JEFF after 3 days. these 3 days have been really long. and hard to get over with.
i was struggling with my innerself. not knowing what to do. and actually tearing most of the time.
but im still thankful that God had not forsaken me. even when there was no one there for me. I always had God to confide in.
and im really grateful (:

well. tmr will be a better day! choir rehearsal was great today. my cheerfulness returned to me quickly during the choir rehearsal. everything felt better. and im really happy bout worshiping God.

i have to go catch some sleep already. i have not slept the whole of last night. and i was actually crying most of the time yesterday. so gotta catch some sleep. eyebags GO AWAY!

haha.
loveloves.

i love you darling (:

my timetable is out .
the only good news is that im in the same CREATIVE WRITING class as SEAN. and im jumping joy for that particular reason.
the rest of my timing slots are really BAD. really bad.

i said a wrong word just now while on the phone with him. and then he was asking me whether its peer pressure. ARGHS. im really sorry. ):

arghs. anyway. my timetable is pathetic because.
i start school at 9am. and always end at 5pm/6pm. AT LEAST. not as bad as ina. she ends at 6pm. like almost all the time. LOL.
poor thing huh.

but i kinda dread school. because everything sounds difficult to me. web based application. and server client smth. yah. its ina's interest but definitely not mine.
for the last time, SIGH.

tmr im working at vivo. anyone wanna come visit me ? truthfully i don't feel like working at all. but im just gonna work. spend time. ):
hah. im adding CDS. any suggestions what to add ?
simple ones.

bleah. i miss that boy. really alot. SUNDAY. its such a long long way to go. and then after SUN. the timing are geting shorter. and then the phrase "distance makes the heart grow fonder." will come in. bwahaha. lame lah.

im not complaining. or whining. im just missing him. haha.
at least i managed to spent time with him yesterday. that im grateful for already (:

it was nice seeing Joanne.shumin and people again. really great. haha. haven't seen them for quite long already. but didn't get to go vivo with them. maybe its a good thing also. because i had time to go jogging.
haha. im so tired. eversince my new computer came. my brother won't stop using the computer. not giving me an opportunity to use it in the night. BAD.

hmph. gotta go. (: byeeee.

LOVES.

yay. im like finally blogging after so long.
happy you know. because my computer crash
i got a replacement now though.
AND its really GREAT.

the screen is big. im using apple you see. so i have a really big white screen infront of me.
yaya.

let me summarise my "EVERYDAY"
sat : James (jeff's bro) birthday
had dinner with his family at some resturant. i'll post the pictures soon.
sun : ChuiLi's birthday celebration at Fish&Co. (mine's coming soon :D)
Choir rehearsal was GREAT. but tiring. haha.

mon : i finally had a proper date with him. haha.
tues : met up with annette and emily.

i have been busy. haha. not really VERY busy lah.
haha. and then i hope tmr i can meet him again. its like school's reopening next monday. SIGH.

okay la. the truth is im looking forward to going back to school. im just VERY bored at home. haha.
im gonna stop blogging. and start exploring my computer.

hahaha. loveloves. (:

i love this picture. haha. (:

yesterday i went shopping. and i spent half of my pay. bwahaha. many will say im a spender. BUT. i'll still try to defend for myself.
haha. hey i bought all the neccesities. OK.
bag.wallets.skirt.shoes.
thats all. and also athens II for him.

bought a wallet for ina. and she bought me a necklace. haha. loveloves.
the wallet is nice. the necklace is nice too.
met annette and emily at TM. didn't expect them to be there.
yesterday suck. im sorry. but my mood was really affected. went back to Isetan to visit the aunties there. but i had to hear smth that dampened my mood badly. ): i shall stop dwelling upon what the aunty said to me.

it doesn't matters anymore whether whose side you are on. because whatever you say to me is what you see to me on the surface only. i shall not get offended.
and i had to see him. i wanted to run badly. but then i told myself to stay and continue doing what im supposed to do. whatever. its over.

sigh. yesterday was W&I. actually i thought W&I was good. never been to any before. i would go the 2nd time the 3rd and so on (:
the haze is bad now. i can smell it from my room. no wonder everyone's falling sick. especially jeffrey. takecare okay?

i have a special prayer request. please pray for tmr's choir audition. although i have decided to try for the audition tmr. i really want to still pray that this is what the holyspirit wants. and not my own decision. i pray for a sign. (:

tmr im starting work at vivo city. well. i won't really say im excited. because im seeing PJ tmr. nono. don't get the wrong idea. not that i dislike her or what. but things are really gonna be very wierd tmr. but face it. really, face it. 4pm - 10pm.
that will be 42 dollars.

and im also working on thurs.fri.sat. and the following week sat.
WOW. and Freddy asked whether i can work when school opens too. i prolly take it as a part-time job. (:

okay. im gonna carry on practising for tmr's audition. and pray hard. and then im gonna have a sleep. im tired. (: takecare loves.

God is gracious to ME.

this picture is badly taken. sigh. but nvm. i just wanna show you my haircut. though it ain't really obvious. i think my hair is really short. so don't like. grow fast please.

i have been out yesterday. today. going out tmr.friday.
hoho. i have been going out again and again.

but nvm lar. its my hols anyway. (: today i met him. haha. went to his house again. tidied up his desk today. wow. major cleanup can. then we went to katong to cut hair.

haha. i took this ! and she looks funny with the thing on top of her head. remind me of a birdnest.

this is the outcome. haha. 90 bucks for this ? next time i do for you. outcome sure better.haha.

okay. well. today spent time talking to Jeffrey about youth church, serving etc. i think i better start thinking about it. like seriously. and i actually realised that i have not been doing my QT as much as before. gonna do my QT later. and tmr i better wake up early and do it (:

i think this 3 days break from not seeing him will be good (: spend more time with God. hha.

okay i think im gonna stop blogging. im abit tired. (:

i like to look back on every stage of my life.
Each time i look back. i see new changes. and i feel happy.

I was reading through a few comments about my secondary classmates to me.
and from their comments. i could really feel what kinda person they see me as.
Often their comments would have this particular sentence, "Be Strong. Stop Crying anymore."

and then i realised i have spent the first 15 years of my life, crying over every single thing that happened.
childhood. school. People who love teasing me. and then i realised if i did not cry back then. No one would love teasing me just to see me cry right? But then if i did not cry. i wouldn't be as emotionally strong as i am now.
so i really Thank God for everything that made me suffered back then.
For every insults and critism that i took in. Everything made me grew.

In Sunday's sermon. there was a part that was like that "In order for God to make great use of us. We have to be wound deeply first."
im very proud to say that ive be wounded so deeply before. And that one day i'll be of great use to Him.

So everything did happened for a reason right. Sometimes i felt like i've come out of the past. i've stopped dwelling in the past. Maybe i have really stopped. But sometimes i still like to review everything. Because when i review everything. i see different changes. Each time i look back, i learnt new things.

Stages of my life in different parts.
my childhood, primary school, days of XXXXXX (i have to keep the name in secret), sec 3 days - my RHYA days.
all these years i have been depressed often about the same things. when i finally got over everything. i realised how stupid i have really been.
I could have lived my Life happily. but i chose to cry over it. How dumb have i been.

But not anymore. I can choose the way i want to live life in. The positive way. or the negative way. Everything is by God's grace.

God has been kind to provide people on the way to help me. And i have been stupid to let go of them. But i have learnt my lessons. to treasure and to cherish.

Grace. if you ever read this. God is not oblivious to you situation. i know one day you'll come back to the family. I have been wounded deeply. even more than you. But i know everything is for a reason. You find that you cannot trust humans. Why can't you trust God then ? He has plans for you, my dearest friend. Believe me.


im gonna go change. because im gonna meet my boy. (: loves.
and God is great all the time (:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jeffrey!

1. Jeffrey can turn his stomach inside out.
2. Ostriches stick their heads in jeffrey not to hide but to look for water.
3. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of jeffrey!
4. Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in jeffrey.
5. If you break jeffrey, you will get seven years of bad luck.
6. Jeffrey has often been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean.
7. Jeffrey, from the movie of the same name, had green blood.
8. There are six towns named jeffrey in the United States.
9. Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by jeffrey.
10. Jeffrey invented the wheel in the fourth millennium BC.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Qiqi!

1. Qiqi is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons!
2. Pacman was originally called qiqiman.
3. Scientists believe that qiqi began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas!
4. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into qiqi!
5. All swans in England belong to qiqi.
6. Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from qiqi!
7. The international dialling code for qiqi is 672.
8. Baskin Robbins once made qiqi flavoured ice cream!
9. Qiqi was named after Qiqi the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'!
10. Qiqiology is the study of qiqi.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Ina!

1. The risk of being struck by ina is one occurence every 9,300 years.
2. If you cut ina in half and count the number of seeds inside, you will know how many children you are going to have.
3. Ina can taste with her feet!
4. Never store ina at room temperature.
5. Donald Duck's middle name is ina.
6. New Zealand was the first place to allow ina to vote.
7. Ina once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest.
8. Ina cannot be detected by infrared cameras!
9. You should always open ina at least an hour before drinking her.
10. On average, women blink nearly twice as much as ina.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sean!

1. The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, sean and compline!
2. The patron saint of sean is Saint Eugenie.
3. Over 46,000 pieces of sean float on every square mile of ocean.
4. The deepest part of sean is over 35,000 feet deep!
5. All of the roles in Shakespeare's plays - including the female roles - were originally played by sean.
6. Long ago, the people of Nicaragua believed that if they threw sean into a volcano it would stop erupting.
7. Humans share over 98 percent of their DNA with sean!
8. Two grams of sean provide enough energy to power a television for over twenty-three hours.
9. If you chew gum while peeling sean then it will stop you from crying.
10. All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to sean!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

your everything to me.

im blogging more and more frequently. it seems that this is what a person do when she or him is extremely bored. you know, Bored. yah. with completely nothing to do.

my pay is here. but ina doesn't want to accompany me to collect it. so i think im going by myself.
its tiring to go all there. a one hour forty-five mins trip there. and a 1 hour and so trip back. its really not fun. but then again. if i want the money. i have no choice.
SIGH.

looking forward to thursday now. i haven't seen nicole eversince don't know when. haha.
and qianhui. she tagged (: hope i can meet you soon too.

im gonna be so busy later.
with the terrible housework waiting for me.
checklist :

• sweep/mop the floor
• toilet
• kitchen
• balcony
• wash and hang the clothes

bleah. i always disliked being the only sister at home. if only i have a younger sister. we can share the workload ! hmph.

nvm. haha. i gotta go (: one more hour then i start doing my chores. (:

loves.

"Wife submit to their husband. And husband love your wife. as Christ love His church" (thats all i remembered from him. (: )

its been a long day for me today. haha. But. i still did had fun.
yesterday he came back. i was practically jumping for joy. superb.

haha. went over to his house. and then dinner. (: loves.

today i met him. accompanied him to the polyclinic. to find out why his wound isn't recovering. hah. thats because he has been washing the wound in the wrong wrong way. but now you know huh (: haha.
and then we went to JB. this the first time i ride a bike to JB. horrifying experience i would say. but still i felt safe. because there was him with me. haha. i don't mind going again and again. its the company im with that really matters. (:

im falling deeper in love as each day pass. i think thats a good sign? hmm.

anyway. im gonna start praying bout serving in church. being a servant of God. although my mom is pretty against the idea. well. i'll still think about it.
choices now : choir/worship or fellowship comm.

thats bout it (:
haha. im listening to hillsongs mighty to save album right now. its good. (:
and im waiting for dinner.
gotta go .

byee. (:

he's back. and im glad (:

today is a Sunday!
went church.
then Costa's lunch with cellgroup. he's going in army. have fun (:

and then. ina and my time. the jigsaw puzzle customizing shop is gone. im really sad.
cottage pie. sat there and nua for awhile. then left tampines mall.

im sorry ina. i was quite moody for awhile. maybe you should try falling in love. you'll understand how it feels. haha. :)
and in the midst of my moodiness. he called! and told me he was back.
i was smiling in the bus like a goon. :x i bet the person beside me was like thinking. this girl is crazy. haha.

yeayea. im crazy.
but theres nth i can do.

and weds. im meeting weixuan and nicole. its been ages since i met both of them together. (:
RHYA catch up time ? hmmm. letme think bout it. haha. im no longer a YA. bleah. although i really wish to still be one. but nvm.

gotta go now. loves. (:

tadah . (: loves.